Viveka Babajee - Women, Showbiz & Suicides

Suicides are not so uncommon in the history of civilisation.  But when, the so called successful people commit suicide, it makes us sit up, watch TV screens with wide eyes and wonder what was missing in their recipe of success that they collapsed?

The suicide of model Viveka Babajee (well, I never heard her name. With all the due regards to the departed soul, she got more bytes in death than life) has once again aroused my curiosity about the desperation to embrace death by a very beautiful and successful woman.

Its quite painful that women in showbiz or say, profession more to do with their bodies - models, actresses, air-hostesses, are more prone to depression and sometimes it drives them to commit suicide.

This weekend, I read some articles on this and have felt and found a few facts and a few questions

FACTS:

• 
  
  In stressful professions, women have to make clear choices - family or career.
• 
  
  Once you have decided on your career, you may not be that well supported by family, more so because you had been so blunt (read clear headed ) about it.
• 
  
  Stressful career needs you to perform and prove your worth.
• 
  
  And the struggle goes on, esp in careers like modelling.
• 
  
  Men, boys, relationships, whatever you call it, come handy to you ( how genuine, you don't know)
• 
  
  You succeed, you have money, fame and the body talent to earn more money.

Now these things kept my mind on..... read on

After having been reasonable successful, a beautiful model commits suicide, due to failed relationship(s). Why?

• 
  
  Is it difficult for a man to handle a woman who is successful?
• 
  
  Is it the physical, mental and sexual exploitation (often its their own choice) finally takes the toll, on their conscious and the one's they share their lives with?
• 
  
  Is it that  "an all body" profession, somewhere makes a "thinking person" feel shallow.  She feels misfit for the profession, which wants her to smile and glow and swirl in action, all..... alll the time?  Actually.....God!.... if we were to live up to our image - huge, magnanimous, always beautiful and sunny - will we not crumble as a person behind the concealor & blusher & mascara?!!
• 
  
  OR, finally, the reason why women crumble in their successful careers is lack of true love? 
  
  

By the way, when I was discussing it with a typical Indian man, I got a blunt answer  "aisi ladkiyon ke sath kaun pyaar aur shadi karega?" ( Who will love or marry such women?!)

I feel sad and hopeless.....

A Restless Mind with

A Sensitive Heart.

Source : Times Crest

Check Maid !

"Maine kuch nahin kiya” (I have done nothing wrong) she said.

She was standing in front of me gesticulating with her hands, defending herself that she has done no wrong. She's my maid servant - must be around 24 years of age, short, a little fat - keeping in view the amount of work she does whole day; very dark, so dark that as she  stood against daylight, I could only see the white of her eyes and her long, inorderly teeth (reminds me of the little boy Darsheel Safari, of 'Taare Zameen Par'). Her hair tied up in a  plait, she was looking at me with a little fear in her eyes.  

"Maine kuch nahin kiya", her words were drilling my mind. Like a carpenter drills a wooden plank, and the specks of wood scatter around the person's face. The same way I stood there looking at some shunya far away with some deep thoughts scattering all over me.

Actually, what had happened that my whole family was out some where for some 3-4 hours, with the maid alone at home to finish off the chores.  We had just reached home, and found that the work was not yet done and she was sitting on the floor of the balcony. I just walked up to her to find out why she did not finish off the work, to which she replied that she vomited and therefore, is feeling very weak.

At that moment i realised, she was actually looking very drained out and feeble. On asking her why she vomited ( I thought, may be stomach upset or something like that ), she immediately said " Maine kuch nahin kiya". She was obviously defensive.

She did not want to be doubted about her moral character knowing very well in her mind that she was all alone for hours, was of marriageable age, knows young boys who work in neighborhood, she thought I would doubt her. But I was lost in something else.

Suddenly I felt that a girl, who is mature enough to be a mother now, and is not married, not because of her choice, but because there is no one to bother about her. Her father is a drunkard and mother too ill to work or take care of the family, and she is the eldest among her siblings, so she came to Delhi to work and sends money home, the same story for the poor girls who come to work here.

But the point is, when did I become her moral inspector? Why she has to tell me a thing like that? Does she not have a right to the very basic pleasures of life which a normal human being longs to experience? She is forced to remain single, I realized it at that moment.

I got reminded of that dialogue of a hindi movie, in which Tabu plays the role of a housewife, whose husband while touring for his job stays away for months and happily enjoyes the company of other women. But when he finds that his wife (tabu) is in love with her music teacher, a young man who frequents her place, the husband gets furious. And then, at that moment, the young wife questions her husband saying "Jo aag tumhe jalati hai, woh kya mujhe kam jalati hai?" (Does the fire of passion only affect men?). (I am not able to recall the name of movie.)

I don't know what more to say in this. All I can say is,  it is an unequal world, sumptuous, luxurious buffet for some and an empty bowl for some one else across the globe.

Yet, my question remains unanswered, how can one person become the moral police of another?  


RESTLESS

Breaking the gender stereotypes!!

IF YOU ARE MAN AND READING THIS :-

Then, you know that sometimes you do and you love to do and you are inclined to do things which are not considered manly like say arranging flowers for your home, wearing pink or peach coloured shirt and preeening yourself in the mirror etc!

IF YOU ARE A WOMAN AND READING THIS :-

Then, you would know in your heart that some things in you which is so unwomanly ( as a conceived notion of our society) like to love drive fast and rash sometimes and you don't mind uttering a swear word on the road, when nobody known to you is watching or may be you love horses and cricket matches and all.

I would like to hear all those things which you like to do irrespective of the gender specific role assigned to you by your respective set of people ie. society.  After having said that, these are my the manly things about me ! phew quite a lot.....

Oh yes, first, I love to tell this to my colleagues and friends "I am a man when I am working and driving!!” And they look at me in amusement, as I am very feminine and delicate in looks ( nothing like self admiration!)

So here goes my list : -

1. I love to drive really fast.

2. I don’t like chocolates

3. I never read mill and boons

4. I work like a man, without using my feminity

5. I get excited seeing new gadgets phones, ipod, psp etc ( learning to play games on play station)

6. I am always curious to understand technology

7. I  hate saas bahu serials, rather watch nat geo and discovery!

8. I can’t stand girly talk, bitching and small talk

9. I am pretty rational, clear headed and have risk taking behaviour!!

10. I just  haaaaaaaate gold jewellery !!

Yes, but love to watch romantic-comedy movies on HBO, love flowers and surprises, and clothes and silver ear rings and kajal and high heels and my hair!

So do write what's your story!!!!

What's Your Mental Age?!

You must have heard "maturity has nothing to do with age".  I have also heard it and always trembled in my heart with fear because I knew I was not becoming mature mentally, i mean more practical or balanced or wise , or worldly wise or things like that. Unlike my younger sister, who is always politcally correct, diplomatic and oh so polite in whatever she says (even in anger) I just knew I stand no where.  I was always playful, giggling, rebellious and adamant and on top of all argued with my parents while growing up, which of course gave me bad results in future.  I was always worrying when will I become mature?  When will I sound and be wise and serious looking and pakki in duniyadari... phew... all this, kind of scared me all these years, say after teenage said bye bye.

But recently, I read an interview of  Aamir Khan ( one of my favourites!) in which through an incident he told that his mental age was much less than his real age.  The incident was rather very funny, where he addressed another 39 year old woman as "Aunty"!!!! And of course, he was reminded by his friend about his rather improper salutation ! To which he might have apologized to the lady but replied to his friend that mentally he still feels 21!!

Oh God, what a relief !! Since that day onwards I started taking pride in the fact that I still feel myself as if I am in class XIth ( obviously not XIIth !!)  I was relaxed that at 35, I am fine feeling like a teenager.  I still cannot tolerate a college girl calling me Aunty !!  Well, I don't even look like one !

Have you ever thought about it ? What's yor mental age ?  Have you also not tried to hide that emotional teenager or a playful giggly girl, or a mischievious little brat behind the covers of your current physical age?

I would love to hear you speak, dil se!  Do write a comment and tell me What's Your Mental Age?!

lonely

At the middle of the night

dark, cold and silent

I wake up often

out from my restless slumber.

I feel my limbs heavy,

hair dishevelled and

heart so lonely.

As I toss on my bed,

I often think --

where are the lips

to kiss me back to sleep;

where are the fingers

to run through my hair;

where are the hands

to pat my back, bare?

where is the chest

I can dig my face in ?

and

feel my warm breath touching

his bare skin.

where are the arms

to hold me, oh so tight

where is my man

who will cuddle me right ?

On each night I wonder

what makes lovers stop

crossing those imaginary barriers ?

what makes marriage weigh

like heavy logs and bundles

why marriage makes people

become perfect strangers?

Meanwhile,

I  just curl up like a baby unborn

and just wish

I was in my mother's womb

for that's the only place

when we are loved 

and are not judged.

safe,

protected and

warm.

I Am A Self Talker!

It amazes me sometimes how much can I talk with myself?! How much can I be in my company and never get bored of myself.  Mostly I am alone, but never lonely.  I mean that is when NOBODY has disturbed my inner peace.

As a self talker, I keep talking in my mind as if telling my autobiography.  At times, I am in converstiaon with myself, telling myself things and laughing on them too!  Oops! it can be embarassing sometimes. You know you have to pretend as if you were just humming a line of a song!

Now, with the beginning of writing this blog, it is almost becoming a therapy for me. I am enjoying the fact that I am not just a self talker but am also a writer of a blog... with only myself reading it! ( I mean till I meet my like minded pals on the blogspot!).   But its quite relaxing.  As if the World Wide Net has lend one ear to me and I can hum my sweet nothings in it!  As if, I have found a little opening where I can scream out loud and be heard by many.

It has made me happy, deep within me.

Ravana Is In My Soul

Its Dussehra or call it Vijaya Dashmi. The same story is going to repeat itself once again this year too. I had been reading it since my school days.... Burai par Achchai ki jeet ka tyohaar... ..victory of goodness over evil.

The jubilant crowds gathering at local parks to watch the three brothers go up in flames, the same burning of effigies and lots of fireworks. The fatal arrow aimed towards Ravana will burst him to pieces, yet another time.

This time, i am sad. I am sad for Ravana. I am not a learned person, just have the same knowledge of Ramayana, as anyone who grew up reading it as a text book in school, and watching the very famous serial of Ramanand Sagar, 'The Ramayana' on TV. That's all i know, that's all i understand of Rama and Ravana.

Although, while going through articles on internet, just before writing this i read many stories. One said, Sita was his daughter in some way. another said, why he didn't force himself on Sita, because, he had a curse that if he will force himself on any woman, then his ten heads would fall off.All in all he was a learned person, who was aggressive and his biggest mistake was that this time, he fell for Sita.

But, still am feeling bad for him today. Not much for his brother Kumbhkarna and son Meghnaada, as they gave up their lives for their brother, their king and their State. But Ravana, what was his fault really? Eying another man's wife? that's it? Then in that case there is a Ravana in each one of us, whether we admit or not.

Now, u will say, he abducted another man's wife, well yes, that was his fault. But then, look at the character that he possessed. He didnot even touch Sita. While Sita sat in the Vatika with all her pride and vanity, Ravana respected her, and pronounced that he could wait. A woman in her kidnapper lover's home, yet safe from him. I know, i have made it sound very crass, but well that's what it was.

On the other hand, Rama did not trust his wife, we all know it. She was put through a kind of 'Sach Ka Samna'!! Yet, Sita had the heart to love and keep loving the man who distrusted her, and that too publicly. While Ravana could destroy everything and give up his life for the passion of a woman, Rama had a different set of priorities. The honour, the prestige, the respect in the eyes of his fellowmen and women was greater, much much greater than his love for his wife. And Sita was shown the door. Rest we all know.

Coming to the present times now, the common man of today, harbors both a Rama and a Ravana in his soul. Rama, not because he is so virtuous, but because even today the family honour is greater than his love. For an average man, even today the opinion of his fellow beings, the so called 'society', still has more weightage. Lets accept it, there is a Ravana in all of us, as passion sees no boundaries, love doesnot check the marital status before it knocks your door and desire doesn't know the meaning of morality. The degree, the grade, the potency may differ, but still there is a little bit of Ravana in each one of us, howsoever, socially moral our conduct may be.

Still, Ravana will be burnt again, this year too. Now I wonder, he is being punished for having a desire like that and confusing it with love, or for the abduction of another man's wife, or for fighting for a woman or for fighting with an Avatar of God? Whatever the reason is. I feel, if only Ravana understood what love was, and that it can never be gained through force, there would not have been a War like that. And if, we in our moments of silence would have realized that, there lives a Ravana in us, then at least we would feel some mercy of those effigies erected each year to be blasted into pieces.

Its easier said than done, but still, i want to finish it like this, that may we have the power to blast off that Ravana from our hearts!

To my blog.... with love

Dear Blog!

I know i created you, but actually its you, who I look at for life, for a direction, for inspiration, for joy and for happiness.

You dont know it, but actually I am always connected with you!  I write sometimes in you, but mostly, you would be surprised to know, I am talking to you when I am working or travelling  etc.  I blab to myself as if I am in speaking in a dictaphone, which will in return transcribe everything as a new "Post" in the Blog!!

I am always thinking what will I tell you when I meet you, my dear blog......... It seems I am in love with you!

Take care honey......

will be back soon!

My World - My Perception

From the time we are born, we are taught to think in a certain way, behave in a certain way.  But some time in our lives we feel, it was not worth it, not worth it living the life as we were supposed to live, taught by our elders, by the people around us and by the society.

I knew I was a rebel at heart! always!  But, it took me years to understand its OK to be different and its OK to have a mind of your own, views of your own. 

I have accepted now, I am fine being myself.   I am fine thinking the way I think. I am fine feeling the way I feel. I am fine being in my own skin.  I am fine with my restlessness, with all the turbulence in my mind.  I am fine feeling for others. I am fine wanting to be in love eternally.

I am fine with it all.


A Restless Mind With
A Sensitive Heart