June 29, 2010
At the middle of the night
dark, cold and silent
I wake up often
out from my restless slumber.

I feel my limbs heavy,
hair dishevelled and
heart so lonely.

As I toss on my bed,
I often think --

where are the lips
to kiss me back to sleep;
where are the fingers
to run through my hair;
where are the hands
to pat my back, bare?

where is the chest
I can dig my face in ?
feel my warm breath touching
his bare skin.

where are the arms
to hold me, oh so tight
where is my man
who will cuddle me right ?

On each night I wonder
what makes lovers stop
crossing those imaginary barriers ?

what makes marriage weigh
like heavy logs and bundles

why marriage makes people
become perfect strangers?

I  just curl up like a baby unborn
and just wish
I was in my mother's womb
for that's the only place
when we are loved 
and are not judged.
protected and

I Am A Self Talker!

June 25, 2010
It amazes me sometimes how much can I talk with myself?! How much can I be in my company and never get bored of myself.  Mostly I am alone, but never lonely.  I mean that is when NOBODY has disturbed my inner peace.

As a self talker, I keep talking in my mind as if telling my autobiography.  At times, I am in converstiaon with myself, telling myself things and laughing on them too!  Oops! it can be embarassing sometimes. You know you have to pretend as if you were just humming a line of a song!

Now, with the beginning of writing this blog, it is almost becoming a therapy for me. I am enjoying the fact that I am not just a self talker but am also a writer of a blog... with only myself reading it! ( I mean till I meet my like minded pals on the blogspot!).   But its quite relaxing.  As if the World Wide Net has lend one ear to me and I can hum my sweet nothings in it!  As if, I have found a little opening where I can scream out loud and be heard by many.

It has made me happy, deep within me.

Ravana Is In My Soul

Its Dussehra or call it Vijaya Dashmi. The same story is going to repeat itself once again this year too. I had been reading it since my school days.... Burai par Achchai ki jeet ka tyohaar... ..victory of goodness over evil.

The jubilant crowds gathering at local parks to watch the three brothers go up in flames, the same burning of effigies and lots of fireworks. The fatal arrow aimed towards Ravana will burst him to pieces, yet another time.

This time, i am sad. I am sad for Ravana. I am not a learned person, just have the same knowledge of Ramayana, as anyone who grew up reading it as a text book in school, and watching the very famous serial of Ramanand Sagar, 'The Ramayana' on TV. That's all i know, that's all i understand of Rama and Ravana.

Although, while going through articles on internet, just before writing this i read many stories. One said, Sita was his daughter in some way. another said, why he didn't force himself on Sita, because, he had a curse that if he will force himself on any woman, then his ten heads would fall off.All in all he was a learned person, who was aggressive and his biggest mistake was that this time, he fell for Sita.

But, still am feeling bad for him today. Not much for his brother Kumbhkarna and son Meghnaada, as they gave up their lives for their brother, their king and their State. But Ravana, what was his fault really? Eying another man's wife? that's it? Then in that case there is a Ravana in each one of us, whether we admit or not.

Now, u will say, he abducted another man's wife, well yes, that was his fault. But then, look at the character that he possessed. He didnot even touch Sita. While Sita sat in the Vatika with all her pride and vanity, Ravana respected her, and pronounced that he could wait. A woman in her kidnapper lover's home, yet safe from him. I know, i have made it sound very crass, but well that's what it was.

On the other hand, Rama did not trust his wife, we all know it. She was put through a kind of 'Sach Ka Samna'!! Yet, Sita had the heart to love and keep loving the man who distrusted her, and that too publicly. While Ravana could destroy everything and give up his life for the passion of a woman, Rama had a different set of priorities. The honour, the prestige, the respect in the eyes of his fellowmen and women was greater, much much greater than his love for his wife. And Sita was shown the door. Rest we all know.

Coming to the present times now, the common man of today, harbors both a Rama and a Ravana in his soul. Rama, not because he is so virtuous, but because even today the family honour is greater than his love. For an average man, even today the opinion of his fellow beings, the so called 'society', still has more weightage. Lets accept it, there is a Ravana in all of us, as passion sees no boundaries, love doesnot check the marital status before it knocks your door and desire doesn't know the meaning of morality. The degree, the grade, the potency may differ, but still there is a little bit of Ravana in each one of us, howsoever, socially moral our conduct may be.

Still, Ravana will be burnt again, this year too. Now I wonder, he is being punished for having a desire like that and confusing it with love, or for the abduction of another man's wife, or for fighting for a woman or for fighting with an Avatar of God? Whatever the reason is. I feel, if only Ravana understood what love was, and that it can never be gained through force, there would not have been a War like that. And if, we in our moments of silence would have realized that, there lives a Ravana in us, then at least we would feel some mercy of those effigies erected each year to be blasted into pieces.

Its easier said than done, but still, i want to finish it like this, that may we have the power to blast off that Ravana from our hearts!

To my blog.... with love

Dear Blog!

I know i created you, but actually its you, who I look at for life, for a direction, for inspiration, for joy and for happiness.

You dont know it, but actually I am always connected with you!  I write sometimes in you, but mostly, you would be surprised to know, I am talking to you when I am working or travelling  etc.  I blab to myself as if I am in speaking in a dictaphone, which will in return transcribe everything as a new "Post" in the Blog!!

I am always thinking what will I tell you when I meet you, my dear blog......... It seems I am in love with you!

Take care honey......

will be back soon!

My World - My Perception

June 21, 2010
From the time we are born, we are taught to think in a certain way, behave in a certain way.  But some time in our lives we feel, it was not worth it, not worth it living the life as we were supposed to live, taught by our elders, by the people around us and by the society.

I knew I was a rebel at heart! always!  But, it took me years to understand its OK to be different and its OK to have a mind of your own, views of your own. 

I have accepted now, I am fine being myself.   I am fine thinking the way I think. I am fine feeling the way I feel. I am fine being in my own skin.  I am fine with my restlessness, with all the turbulence in my mind.  I am fine feeling for others. I am fine wanting to be in love eternally.

I am fine with it all.

A Restless Mind With
A Sensitive Heart
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