Symbolic Festivities

We celebrate so many festivals throughout the year.  some don't make sense to me, and some... well make me ponder.  But this festival makes me feel sad. It's Dussehra.

I have written extensively on Raavan and why I feel we could not understand him or probably we chose not to understand him.  You can read my views on Raavan, Ram and Sita in my posts Defending Raavana and Raavana Is In My Soul.  Here is a glimpse.

"OK, alright, yes he abducted another man's wife but did not force himself.  He fought a fair war for what he thought was right in his eyes.  After all, women were used for political reasons like commodities (defeated kings offering their daughters for marriage to the winner etc).  Also, I fail to understand why Laxman is in no one's bad books for slashing the nose of a (demon) young girl, who showed interest in him?!!  When women could be won, or lost, or earned, or whatever then why, in that era, such hue and cry for stealing a woman?  From that point of view, what should be the punishment for raping one's own daughter? Should THEIR effigies not burnt then?  Raavan, still, had the courage to fight, actually fight a war for that woman (how flattering is that now !!!)"

This year too, effigies of Raavana, along with his brother Kumbhkaran and son Meghnad, were burned, with loads of crackers, fun, dandiya, music, and chaat papdi stalls.  I too attended the local celebration. 

But I was pained, as always.  Seeing him stand there, at the mercy of people, common men and women, who themselves don't understand the meaning of the festival.  For them, he is the demon, but nobody will think how was Ram as a husband and as a father. Was a woman called Sita wronged somewhere? Who's bothered.  I hear some new TV serial is coming called "Ganga ki Dheej", (what does that mean?) which also talks how can a woman give proof of her purity. Uff! I have no words. All this just defies logic for me.

But, this year witnessing the effigy of Raavana go up in flames brought out some more painful thoughts in my mind.  Just a month back, I heard, there was a video clip of a young boy who got electrocuted while climbing over the top of a stationary train in Australia, and some one commented about this horrific scene as "this could be a way to get rid of Indian students from Australia" (not the exact words, but something like this) . He surely had to face the wrath of the world.  It was such a shameful thing to say.

leftovers of dussehra



But, that is what I felt like seeing the dark, slim and tall effigy of Raavan beginning to spark and burn from the top (or at least that is how it looked to me). 



Through this festival, are we not promoting the feelings of violence? Are we not saying it is OK to see some person, or his symbolic presence, to be burned and mutilated? Raavana is looked down upon, humiliated every year.  We celebrate the victory of goodness over evil.  But, have we ever questioned our choices?  What was evil in that era, is the norm of this era.  If we really see, we, the common man would be at par (or rather worst than him in many cases) with the villian of that era.  Is it not time, we change the symbols of evil?  Is it not time we understand that raping a woman is worst than abducting and then waiting for that woman to accept your love? Okay, yes, agreed Raavana had ego, which ruined his kingdom.  Do we not have ego?  Where does the modern man stand in front of Raavana?

But still, Raavana will be burned, his effigy filled with expensive big crackers will go up in flames each year.  We will be left with the wooden carcass of the evil demon lying helplessly on the ground surrounded by the paper, ash and half burnt pieces of shells, every year. 

It's time we question our choices. It's time we understand the true meaning of the festival.  It's time we win over the devil in our selves - our ego, our selfishness, our pettiness, our greed, and our lust before we dare to touch the Raavana. 

RESTLESS

Why Do Men Like Patakhaas - Fire Crackers And Hot Chics??!!!

I was thinking to name this post as "Why do you like the noise of Patakhaas (fire crackers)?"  But, I am made to change my mind..... no, I don't want it to make it so generic.  Gender generic, I would say.  While, I was writing down my points for the post in my writing pad (yes, mostly I write on a piece of paper with a collected mind, before typing it out!), I came to some strange ... ehm.... well... conclusions!  Men like Patakhas - both the fire crackers and the hot chics!

OK, to start with, Have you ever seen girls or women bursting crackers ?... those loud sounding explosive stuff, I mean? I am sure, No.  Just in my last post, a co-blogger Nethra commented how she dislikes crackers part of Diwali.  Even I was always very scared of fire crackers as a kid, and later on began to dislike that loud, deafening sound of such high decibels, that you instantaneously cover your ears with hands, close your eyes tight and run to a corner.  I began to find it disgusting gradually, as I would see groups of young boys taking pride in the aftermath of thick smoke, scattered pieces of paper all over the roads and many pairs of angry eyes and a few smirking faces around them.  Yes, they would be jubilant after burning them, especially after burning a series of crackers tied together. It was a macho act for them. 

I used to wonder, what makes them so happy and proud? Do they not know that Diwali crackers makes the life of elderly people, small children, infants and pets so so miserable?  Elderly can not take rest. Small children are to be protected by the parents all the time from going any closer to such places, as their reflexes are not so quick to run away.  Infants, oh dear, you have to see how a newly born to six months old baby reacts to the blast, even at a far away place, with such a scared rather shocked way, even when he is asleep.  Therefore, mothers are advised to put a little cotton wool in the ears of babies to minimise the exposure to the noise. And, those who have pets know it, And that how pet dogs have to be kept in some closed kind of a room to save them from the human celebration effect.  Also, people suffering from breathing trouble experience great difficulty during this time, due to smoke.

Are these reasons not enough to decide for a person to avoid fire crackers? I wonder.

Coming back to the gender connection to bursting crackers. Does only the social conditioning and upbringing make males so aggressive or is it the physiology and genes too?

I was discussing with somebody as to what could be the reason that mostly boys do it.... the answer was, to seek attention!  Men, I won't say have to keep on trying to get attention, but surely have competition more than women have.  Blame it on the demography of a developing country or the genetic make up that makes the male of the homo sapiens are always eager to pass on  the genetic material with zeal. (Survival for the fittest?) 

By the time, I was writing this article, news about two such scientific researches/studies have come up, which suggest that aggressiveness promiscuousness has been more in the males right from the time they were cavemen, rather more at that time than to this stage of evolution. 

The researches, I would say Science, is beginning to shed light on the genetic or hormonal reasons behind the desire of men for mating more and more women. (On the lighter side, I feel the researcher must be a man!)

Another finding which connects the sexual aggressiveness of cavemen with the size of their finger brings the same point home again. High levels of the testosterone hormones increase the length of the ring finger in comparison to the index finger, resulting in a low index- to ring-finger ratio. A study of fossilised remains suggests that our ancient ancestors had far higher levels of the male sex hormone testosterone than people living today, thereby making them more aggressive and promiscuous.

Well, whatever is the outcome of these studies, one thing can be said with utmost conviction that men really like Patakhas - the fire crackers as well as the hot chics alike!

So guys, stay from the fire variety this Diwali and every Diwali!

On a serious note, within last few years, the initiative taken by Delhi Govt and Delhi schools, children have been made aware of the harm caused by the fire crackers and "Say No To Crackers" slogan has begun to show results as kids are spreading this message around and avoiding crackers to a great extent.  This is a wonderful change.  Let's all of us do our bit to avoid noise and air pollution.  Also, think about those many little hands which are forced to work in factories which make these crackers.  You are not giving them employment, you are giving them a curse to continue being an illeterate worker, who will one day burn their hands for you.

Have a beautiful Diwali dear reader!

RESTLESS :)


images: courtesy google images


PS: Changed post title later

Diwali Cleaning and Decorating- Simple Fundas

Are you wondering from where to start cleaning your home, as Diwali is just around the corner??  Don't fret.  Here are a few steps and tips for the hassled and working people to organize and decorate their sweet homes in a jiffy and on a low budget.

SIMPLIFYING CLEANING  WITH THESE STEPS:

DE CLUTTER -  Identify old, chipped or cracked show pieces, vases etc from your living room and just dump them.  Check your kitchen for those empty soft drink bottles, jam jars, plastic take-away boxes. Clear your bathroom of those almost finished shampoo and conditioner bottles and other unusable things.

Take a quick look at your wardrobe.  Take out a few pair of old dresses, faded T-shirts, trousers which don't fit anymore, old and worn out shoes or slippers and put everything in a plastic bag.  Give it away to the first person you meet who needs it, may be your maid servant or guard or some other helping hand.

Now when you have managed to get rid of unwanted things lying around in the house, it's time to reorganize the existing one's.

ORGANIZE AND REARRANGE THE FURNITURE - The key to a clean home is that there should be fixed places to keep everything.  So much so, that you can tell without seeing what article would be found where.  If you haven't done that, try to make place for things in a logical way.

A room can be made to look appealing to the occupants by re-arranging the pieces of furniture, rugs, even wall hangings and paintings.  For example, if you were keeping the sofas or chairs far away from the centre table, try to make a close sitting arrangement, placing side tables symmetrically. (I think, while buying sofa sets, tables etc, this idea of flexibility should be kept in mind, as fixed heavy and large pieces become very boring later).  So, get creative and change the setting of the room.

CLEAN, DUST OFF, WIPE :  Now, when things have take their place, clean up things. If you have time, cover the furniture with an old bed sheet and dust off the roof, walls and behind the curtains.  If you don't have time, use a dry duster to do quick dusting, followed by wiping glass surfaces some product like Colin. Brass and Silver articles will need extra effort to clean.  Of course, lastly, do or get done a thorough sweeping and swabbing on the floor.



Give your home a traditional touch with these things:

•  Tie a Bandhanwar or Toran (a door garland) at the entrance door of the house, it immediately gives that festival feel to the house. You will get these made of artificial flowers with mirror work etc, in different price range.

Bandhanwar

• Rangoli - Now a days, we get small bottles of different coloured rangolies (dried powder) and with that you get a stencil too, so you don't really have to be creative to make one. I got a pack of four rangoli colours for about Rs 60/-, which is quite cheap.  Will be trying my hand on it this time.  The way to sprinkle it is, that u take a pinch at a time pour slightly on a design made by chalk first. Do try!

Here is a design for rangoli making

•  Diyas and Candles -  There are a variety of diyas and candles available in the market.  But if possible do buy them from a charitable organisation, where the returns go to the needy or the articles are prepared by the underprivileged.  You can go to Blind school, next to Oberoi Hotel, New Delhi, where a huge Diwali Mela takes places every year.  You get beautiful candles, hand made paper items and Ganesha Laxmi idols made by the visually challenged students there.

My Diwali decorations of last year!

Tip: You can avoid the expense of wax diyas, simply buy plain clay diyas, a small bottle of mustard oil and a packet of wicks (batti).  There is nothing more beautiful on a Diwali night than the sight of  twinkling flames of diyas, it does not matter are they simple ones or designer ones.

Place the diyas on the exterior of the house, on stair case and corner of the rooms. Floating diyas in a glass bowl with some rose petals sprinkled does wonder to lift up the ambiance of the room.

• Flowers - You can bring life to the room by putting just two or four bright coloured flowers in a vase.  Try it, you really don't need to buy a big bunch or a bouquet. While buying flower buds, you can always ask the florist for some rose petals to use like this picture below:

Just a glass plate, a diya, and yellow and red rose petals
(again my pic!)

• Fragrance - Light up one or two incense sticks for that traditional feel.  Keep them in a corner, close to a window or door.

The expense for these six decoration tips won't be more than Rs 500/-.  So make sure you dress up your sweet home with colours, lights, flowers and fragrance this Diwali.

I think instead of spending money on fire crackers, we should try to create a clean and safe home.  I am going to write a post on "crackers" and why do men love it?! Does it sound sexist? May be it is! So do read the next post too!

Have a beautiful Diwali!

RESTLESS  :)

First two pics at diwali-celebrations.blogspot.com

Karva Chauth - A Modern View On The Ancient Ritual

As I sit facing my PC, my henaed fingers are striking on the key board making my pink coloured glass bangles jingle sweetly.  My pink chiffon saree with floral embroidery, slides off my left arm, as I loosen the strap of my high heeled sandals to concentrate on this post of mine. It is Karva Chauth, the festival hugely glamorised and popularized by Bollywood.  So I am in my traditional best, sharing the customs and rituals associated with it.

I don't hesitate to say that I am, well ehmm (!!), a modern woman who can handle stilletoes and cotton sarees with equal elan.  I, like many of the women internet users here, would read the historial background of this immensly popular fast kept for the well being of one's husband on internet, in English and will be equally attentive while the neighbourhood auntiji will narrate the Vrat Katha during the pooja in the evening, when all the married women of the locality dressed up in bright colours and jewellery would sit in a circle and sing a traditional song rotating the Thalis (plates) containing sweets and fruits for their mother-in-law (MIL).

Also, I don't mind saying that even this occasion will not go without my scurtinizing it nice and proper!  I am traditional enough to dress up and fast the whole day for the long life of my husband but I am very much a woman of this age who would mould the rituals as per her liking and convenience (without affecting the very spirit of the occasion). (Like I skipped the parantha and had bread in sergi)

And above all, I am non-conformist enough to question the very faith, the very mythological tale behind the ritual of this fasting. And later in the post, I want to question why does the Indian husband not fast for his wife?

But, first let me give you a bit of the background.

The fast of Karva Chauth is observed by married women and sometimes by unmarried girls for praying for getting a good groom!

States of India observing this tradition are Delhi, UP, Rajasthan, Gujrat, Himachal Pradesh etc.  Although in different states of India, this kind of fasting exists with various names like - Teej, Vat Savitri Puja, Mahashivaratri, Gangaur Pooja, Varalakshmi Vratham etc.

The rituals of Karva Chauth - Women fast from dawn to dusk without food or water.  Before sunrise, women bathe and dress up (do shringar) and have food, sweets, fruits given by the mother-in-law (it's called Sergi).  In the evening, it's community pooja for many people, and many perform the pooja at home.  But the community ritual is more prominent where, women sit in a circle and rotate the thalis seven times, singing the vrat song.  One elderly woman would sit in the middle of the circle, with some pooja material and a doll  made from dough, and will narrate the story to the women.  Afterwards, after seeing the moon and one's husband (Pati Parmeshwar!), the women would break their fast. (And, this I need not elaborate upon, as this has been shown in the movies so many times!  It's so mushy mushy and romantic na?!)

The idiosyncracies - Mehandi (Hena), glass bangles, jewellery, and bright coloured sarees are a kind of a must for this festival.  Women should not touch a knife or scissors or needles throughout the day.

How it could have started?  Karva Chauth could have started when men would go out fight in battles or work in different place for long and women would worry and pray for their well being.

The Story behind the fasting is a little unclear.  I have heard different narrations of the tale.  So, things are not so fixed that way.  But only thing is common that it was the two mistakes of the woman Veeravati which makes her loose her husband twice - once to death and the second time to another woman, the maid servant!  So, the story is a way to teach women a moral lesson of virtue and tolerance.

The story in brief, this girl Veeravati (veera) goes to her parent's place on her first Karva Chauth (so, if she was also observing this fast, then this tale can't be the origin of the ritual).  Her loving brothers light some fire and show the glow in the sky, saying that it was moon, so that she could break the fast and eat something.  They did it out of affection for their younger sister.  But, because Veeravati breaks the fast, her husband dies. (So, the fear factor put in the fast)

He not just dies, but has hundreds of needs pierced in his body (was he some Bhishma Pitamah?!) The poor girl prays to Shiva and Parvati and goes on taking those needles till it is next Karva Chauth (she kept a corpse at home for one year). But as the last needle is left on her husband's body (who is a king too), she goes to buy Karva (a earthern little pot) for her fast.  And the clever (or was she helping) maid pulls out the last needle.

The king regains conciousness and takes the maid as his wife (he had some memory loss too it seems!).  The poor Veeravati waits and fasts, with a lot of tolerance.

Once, when the king was going out, he asks his wife and maid, what do they want?  The wife (actually the maid) asks for jewellery and the maid (actually the wife) asks for a doll.  Veeravati keeps saying this story of changed roles to the doll (Rani became Goli, Goli became Rani, goli probably was the name of the maid).  When the curious king asks about it, Veera tells the truth.  Now the king realises his mistake (Oh,now!) and accepts Veera as her queen.

Religion and Fear -  If we really see that religion or rather religious practices have been as such which have put physiologial and emotional pressure on women to follow them.  Somewhere women have been given a lower berth.  Women, wanting a good husband would fast, wanting the welfare of husband or children would fast, chant mantras, pray, visit temples.  Women somewhere have been idolized as someone capable of these divine practices or sacrifices,  while men kept themselves away from him humdrum.  I have heard about men performing Yagnas or poojas only as a profession or familial occupation ie., priests or pujaris.

Fasting in Today's context -



In the current context, when rituals, customs, even true spirits of festivals have got subdued or diminished, and when only some symbolic gestures are left, which our generation doesn't even understand or does it just for fun.  How come then, such a rigorous fasting ritual has sustained the test of time, this surprises me!  In fact, it does not.  Our movies have definitely added a certain glamour to it and we should not forget that there is a number of retailing and service sector associated with women, which benefit from this custom. These could have been the factors for making this a popular ritual.

Karva Cchauth is the time for shopping for self and mother-in-law. Gifts include heavy sarees, gold and diamond jewellery.  Then women want their matching sandals, jewellery, glass bangles, bindis, cosmetics, hair accessories and flowers to dress up.  Also, this is a booming time for beauty parlours as they offer special "Karva Chauth packages"!  Skin clinics for hair reduction, skin upliftment, wrinkle corrector shots, specialised facials are the service areas which florish during this festive time.

And if you are not aware of the price tag, let me tell you that the humble Mehandi on both hands costs Rs 800/- on a day before KC, in prominent markets.

Physiological effect - Imagine, a woman on fast cooks for the whole family, feeds them but remains hungry herself.  But, the husband gets some spiritual high of being born a male! When women are working as hard as the men are, then does this ancient ritual, dating back to the time when women were not working outside, needs a relook and some updation with changing times? 

Is there something religious left in it? I doubt.  sometimes love :) but mostly expectation from family or fear of some bad consequence makes women stick to the fasting, only to be left comparing and counting the gold bangles worn by other women are wearing during the pooja!  For the wealthy, it's a show off time also.

The Metrosexual Man still likes to be treated as a semi God - The aarti utarna and touching feet of husband gesture makes me feel disgusted.  How can a man be some kind of God? Or was it something to do with respect? Men being much elder than their wives? Do women really need to treat their men like Parmeshwar, even now?? It defies logic! I feel disgusted by such acts.  But women do it, take the ashirwad (blessings) of their husbands, standing on the roofs, roadsides, parks, surrounded by people! And husband also obliges! hufffff!

I thought love needed reciprocation ?!  If it's about love, why there is no reciprocation? And, by the way, buying jewellery is no reciprocation.  Does it belittle a man's social standing if he admits that he too fasts for his wife??  Does he make himself a butt of ridicule in front of his mother first and then his family and friends by showing his love for his wife?  Why do Indian men don't fast for their wives? Is it not the reflection of a society where they say that it's difficult for a woman to live without a man - be it father, or brother or husband or son? And a man remarries within a few months of his wife's death?

I know what I have written will elicit anger from the men readers or even some women.  They may feel that if this is what this blogger woman feels, then why does she not leave the fasting ritual? Why she has to follow it?  I would say that you think about it with a complete joint family society set up of our's before shooting back.

But I would definitely like to know your views about this.  Tell me how do you feel about it? Especially the feet touching thingy?! And your views about why men don't fast?

RESTLESS

Pic courtesy - www.infonary.com and o3.indiatimes.com

Ravana Is In My Soul

Its Dussehra or call it Vijaya Dashmi. The same story is going to repeat itself once again this year too. I had been reading it since my school days.... Burai par Achchai ki jeet ka tyohaar... ..victory of goodness over evil.

The jubilant crowds gathering at local parks to watch the three brothers go up in flames, the same burning of effigies and lots of fireworks. The fatal arrow aimed towards Ravana will burst him to pieces, yet another time.

This time, i am sad. I am sad for Ravana. I am not a learned person, just have the same knowledge of Ramayana, as anyone who grew up reading it as a text book in school, and watching the very famous serial of Ramanand Sagar, 'The Ramayana' on TV. That's all i know, that's all i understand of Rama and Ravana.

Although, while going through articles on internet, just before writing this i read many stories. One said, Sita was his daughter in some way. another said, why he didn't force himself on Sita, because, he had a curse that if he will force himself on any woman, then his ten heads would fall off.All in all he was a learned person, who was aggressive and his biggest mistake was that this time, he fell for Sita.

But, still am feeling bad for him today. Not much for his brother Kumbhkarna and son Meghnaada, as they gave up their lives for their brother, their king and their State. But Ravana, what was his fault really? Eying another man's wife? that's it? Then in that case there is a Ravana in each one of us, whether we admit or not.

Now, u will say, he abducted another man's wife, well yes, that was his fault. But then, look at the character that he possessed. He didnot even touch Sita. While Sita sat in the Vatika with all her pride and vanity, Ravana respected her, and pronounced that he could wait. A woman in her kidnapper lover's home, yet safe from him. I know, i have made it sound very crass, but well that's what it was.

On the other hand, Rama did not trust his wife, we all know it. She was put through a kind of 'Sach Ka Samna'!! Yet, Sita had the heart to love and keep loving the man who distrusted her, and that too publicly. While Ravana could destroy everything and give up his life for the passion of a woman, Rama had a different set of priorities. The honour, the prestige, the respect in the eyes of his fellowmen and women was greater, much much greater than his love for his wife. And Sita was shown the door. Rest we all know.

Coming to the present times now, the common man of today, harbors both a Rama and a Ravana in his soul. Rama, not because he is so virtuous, but because even today the family honour is greater than his love. For an average man, even today the opinion of his fellow beings, the so called 'society', still has more weightage. Lets accept it, there is a Ravana in all of us, as passion sees no boundaries, love doesnot check the marital status before it knocks your door and desire doesn't know the meaning of morality. The degree, the grade, the potency may differ, but still there is a little bit of Ravana in each one of us, howsoever, socially moral our conduct may be.

Still, Ravana will be burnt again, this year too. Now I wonder, he is being punished for having a desire like that and confusing it with love, or for the abduction of another man's wife, or for fighting for a woman or for fighting with an Avatar of God? Whatever the reason is. I feel, if only Ravana understood what love was, and that it can never be gained through force, there would not have been a War like that. And if, we in our moments of silence would have realized that, there lives a Ravana in us, then at least we would feel some mercy of those effigies erected each year to be blasted into pieces.

Its easier said than done, but still, i want to finish it like this, that may we have the power to blast off that Ravana from our hearts!