Gone With The Wind

I was fortunate yesterday to grab some time for myself, and managed to watch the movie "Gone With the Wind".

Gone With The Wind is an American historical epic movie based on a novel of Margaret Mitchell's novel of the same name.  The film received 10 Academy Awards.

The movie was long- 3 hrs 44 minutes.  If I knew it initially, i would have been a little discouraged to watch it seeing what little time we women have at home for ourselves.  But, it was good that I didn't know! So I had to see it till the end and I slept late watching it.

The movie was great, needless to say.  It also figures amongst the 50 best romantic movies of all times. I am glad, I watched it. 

There was one thing, which struck me by the end of the movie, which speaks a lot about how our minds work, how relationships work.

Briefly, there is a love triangle in the movie which lasts for a lifetime.  A guy(lets call him the hero) is awed by this vivacious and spirited girl.  He also knows and acknowledges that she is pretty selfish, shrewd, clever and a little money minded.  He likes the girl's never say die attitude.  He admits to the girl at one point that since he himself is so selfish and shrewd, may be that's the reason why he loves her.  But the girl doesn't pay much heed to him... as she is already in love with a guy. But somehow, our hero persuades the girl to marry him, although he is aware about her basic nature, her love for another guy and has a feeling that the girl only loves his money and not him.

The point which struck me is that often we hate a person for the things, or traits, or habits or behaviour for which we had loved them at some point.  The guy knew very well about her free spirit, her ambitiousness, her courage, her charm which she often used to her advantage, her uninhibited display of her attraction towards the other guy .  But he goes ahead to marry this enigma.... only to be hating her for what she was later in his life.  And finally, he abandons her.

Have you ever felt so? Ever experienced that in your relationships?  Have you ever disliked the same thing you liked sometime in your loved one?  Share that with me. Personally, I have experienced it a number of times, and had wondered why?  The depiction of the characters in the movie brought out the thought again.  From "What a woman!" to "I don't give a damn to how you live now on" is a painful journey, which unravels the complexity of human minds.

If this thought struck a chord somewhere in your mind... do write to me.

RESTLESS

Live In Relationships - A Woman's Perspective

http://www.kingsway24seven.com/

In last few years, the education for the girl child was widely promoted by social and religious groups and also government, in terms of financial assistance, and the result is there in front of our eyes.  A whole generation of confident, English speaking, trousers clad women are India's active workforce - in traditional and not so traditional roles like DJ, RJ, film direction, event management, call centre executives, stewardesses, even petrol pump assistants etc.  Although, this amounts to a very meagre percentage.

Apart from education, there is one more thing, which I feel, is liberating for Indian women, it has the potential to empower our young and intelligent girls, it is Live-In Relationships.  I call it liberating because Indian marriages are not truely marriage of two souls, they are more of an arrangement, relationship between two families (who really do not care for you), sometimes financial and business goals are there, but its hardly the union of two souls.

Live Ins are the answer for that fake pompousness and the great facade a traditional Indian marriage put in front of the society.  And it's considered better to be in "a being together without commitment" relationship than a dead marriage, which many youngsters witness in their families.

Reasons for being in Live in can be many.  It can be that you love a person and want to find out how compatible you would be in marriage setup, may be legally you cannot be in wedlock and then the Live-in provides you the companionship you so desire. More or less, its the desire to know the person completely before getting into marriage, that seems to be the reason, here in India.

If we really see, just how sinful it was assumed just a few years back for a man and a woman to cohabit without the social sanctity, and just in a few years, the society is beginning to acknowledge its existence and is giving a subtle nod too.  If the couple is staying away from the either parents, and parents do not have to answer the questions of the other parents, everyone is fine.

Moreover, when this social change is there because prominent people of  media spoke about it, causing outrage in society and then our judiciary stood up for the rights of unmarried adults who want to live together without the bondage of marriage.  A few of the major developments have been :

1.   The Indian Supreme Court has said that premarital sex not an offence. (in terms of live in relationships in unmarried adults)

2.    Moreover see the article Mumbai govt legalises live in

3.   Justice Malimath Committee as well as the Law Commission of India states that if a woman has been in a ‘live in’ relationship for a reasonable period, she should enjoy the legal rights of the wife. Although 'reasonable period' has not been defined, which can be misused.

4.    The Protection of Women From Domestic Violence Act 2005 benefits women in Live-in relationships as in marriage.

But still one major question needs urgent answer, ie., the status of children born out of wedlocks, which is a serious issue.  In my opinion, only YOU have the right to be in a relationship which suits you, but bringing another life in it should mean serious and clear decisions in terms of commitment with the guy.

Moreover, property and maintenance issues can hamper the very free spirit of a live in relationship, which is supposed to be a "no strings attached" thing.  A live-in should be a matter of choice, a matter of desire and not a compromise with situation and the need to be protected. 

Women should be given a chance to know what they are heading into or else they may suffer and give in to the thick and inescapable net of marriage.  But for this women really need to be smart and just know that they do not give in to any exploitation, especially financial, and learn to assert themselves.

I am hopeful about this big social change. What do you say? How do you see it ten years from now? Are you in a Live-in? or a friend of yours? what are the practical issues involved? Do share you views about this post.



RESTLESS

(This is the series of posts I am writing on women issues in India, see the label "Women Issues That Baffle Me" on this blog, to read more)