In The Name Of Honour

As I held this book "In The Name Of Honour" by Mukhtar Mai,  in my hand, standing in the library, I just knew I wanted to read it.  Although, generally I don't enjoy reading a biography, but i decided to pick this book up instinctively.  The cover page shows the side view of the face of Mukhtar Mai.  You can't miss the confidence and the strength on her face.  The language is simple.   The book gives a chronological account of the happenings without going into too much detail about the unfateful day, the trials and tribulations that this young woman faces to get justice for herself. 


The book very well brings out the social, cultural, religious and political state of the country.The existence of tribal law, religious law and the law of the land are different.  Women bear the brunt when revenge is to be sought, accounts have to be settled and punishment is to be awarded.  Prevalence of caste system is not unknown to India too.  In this case Mukhtar Mai belonged to Gujar caste and the higher caste who had the monopoly in the Meerpur area was Mastoi. 

As I began to read the first page of the book, I felt hot flushes flowing down my spine.  I was going to read the story of a woman who used her humiliation to empower herself... and to seek justice from the law of her land.  (Also, it struck me later while writing this post that the last book which I read and wrote about "The Palace of Illusions" also had a similar tone and story, Draupadi seeking revenge from Kauravas for her humiliation).  

I had read about this news, years back, and to be precise in June 2002.  A young woman is meted out a punishment by the local tribal court in Pakistan. Her fault was that her brother was found sitting with a girl of a higher caste in a wheat field.  The punishment was that she be gang raped by the men of that higher caste for the 'honour crime' her 13 yrs old brother has committed. 

The news had jolted me like many others and had created a uproar in the whole world.  The young woman's name became a synonym of women's right world wide.  She was a poor, illiterate young divorcee, daughter of a small peasant, she taught embroidery work to other young girls.  Simple at heart and religious.  

She and her family were fooled, as she was to ask for forgiveness for what her brother had done (her brother was sodomized and beaten brutally though).  As she thought, her words of apology would close a chapter of family feud, little did she know that she is going to be pushed inside a small stable and gang raped by four men, while the whole village will become a witness of her helplessness. Little did she know when she walked back to her home after that, carrying the weight of that body covered just by his father's shawl, bearing the pain of that body which has been violated so violently, that her pain, her anger, her anguish will pave the way for a women's movement in her country and in the whole world.

Revenge and justice are two different things.  When there is no faith left in justice, we seek revenge.  

Mukhtar Mai wanted justice and because of the  spread of the news at international level, and various NGOs closely watching, she does get justice finally after a lot of problems, due to which she realises that she was being fooled at every step as she was illiterate.  Therefore, the money she receives from various aides is used by her to run a school for girls as well as boys in her village.  She wants no other girl to put her thumb print on a paper on which the only words written are treachery and exploitation.

A story of sheer grit and  determination in face of acute poverty and fear for one's life.  An amazing read.

RESTLESS

RETURN

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 14; the fourteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Her eyes shone with the dangling of her earrings and the tinkle of her anklet, as she was swinging on the simple rope swing tied to the tree on that cool evening.  It was a lovely feeling for her, as her life had changed, she has her share of joy of marital bliss and it was beginning of her family life, she was expecting.

Her husband Toufeeq was equally excited for his baby.  He was glad he could marry the girl he liked so much since his childhood and now it is a good news which has filled the family of Toufeeq with unexplainable joy.  Gudiya swung slowly, just go get a little feel of the cool breeze, she knew she has to be careful, it is her fifth month of pregnancy.  And the thinly built Gudiya had begun to show the baby bump now.  

She knew she had left her past behind.  As it is it were just 10 days of marriage with Mohammad Arif, who left one day and didnot return.  

Everybody thought, it was good that her parents had arranged her second marriage to Toufeeq.  She had moved on, in real sense.

Her happiness though was shortlived.  Arif, had been declared a deserter by Army, when he disappeared while he was on duty mine sweeping near LoC, but later was found languishing in Pakistan jails and the Indian authorities got him released.  The news spread to Gudiya's village like fire.  

She was full term pregnant, had come to visit her mother's place, when the news of arrival of Arif reached her. She was summoned back to her first husband's place, as she had not legally divorced her first husband.  The matter of her heart, her choice, her life and her marriage became slave of the local religious leaders, and in her haplessness, she could only utter once " I am not a cow or a buffalo that you can now send me to Arif.  I love Toufeeq, I want to go to him.

image courtesy: rediff news

May be that was the only thing she could say before she was quietened by her family, society, elderly men and religious leaders etc.  Even her child to be born was labelled as illegitimate, as it was out of the wedlock.  Do I need to say it that Guriya was sent back to Arif, her first husband?

It was a return she had not expected, it was a return, which finally killed her. 

RESTLESS 

PS: This is based on a true incident.

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Live In Relationships - A Woman's Perspective

http://www.kingsway24seven.com/

In last few years, the education for the girl child was widely promoted by social and religious groups and also government, in terms of financial assistance, and the result is there in front of our eyes.  A whole generation of confident, English speaking, trousers clad women are India's active workforce - in traditional and not so traditional roles like DJ, RJ, film direction, event management, call centre executives, stewardesses, even petrol pump assistants etc.  Although, this amounts to a very meagre percentage.

Apart from education, there is one more thing, which I feel, is liberating for Indian women, it has the potential to empower our young and intelligent girls, it is Live-In Relationships.  I call it liberating because Indian marriages are not truely marriage of two souls, they are more of an arrangement, relationship between two families (who really do not care for you), sometimes financial and business goals are there, but its hardly the union of two souls.

Live Ins are the answer for that fake pompousness and the great facade a traditional Indian marriage put in front of the society.  And it's considered better to be in "a being together without commitment" relationship than a dead marriage, which many youngsters witness in their families.

Reasons for being in Live in can be many.  It can be that you love a person and want to find out how compatible you would be in marriage setup, may be legally you cannot be in wedlock and then the Live-in provides you the companionship you so desire. More or less, its the desire to know the person completely before getting into marriage, that seems to be the reason, here in India.

If we really see, just how sinful it was assumed just a few years back for a man and a woman to cohabit without the social sanctity, and just in a few years, the society is beginning to acknowledge its existence and is giving a subtle nod too.  If the couple is staying away from the either parents, and parents do not have to answer the questions of the other parents, everyone is fine.

Moreover, when this social change is there because prominent people of  media spoke about it, causing outrage in society and then our judiciary stood up for the rights of unmarried adults who want to live together without the bondage of marriage.  A few of the major developments have been :

1.   The Indian Supreme Court has said that premarital sex not an offence. (in terms of live in relationships in unmarried adults)

2.    Moreover see the article Mumbai govt legalises live in

3.   Justice Malimath Committee as well as the Law Commission of India states that if a woman has been in a ‘live in’ relationship for a reasonable period, she should enjoy the legal rights of the wife. Although 'reasonable period' has not been defined, which can be misused.

4.    The Protection of Women From Domestic Violence Act 2005 benefits women in Live-in relationships as in marriage.

But still one major question needs urgent answer, ie., the status of children born out of wedlocks, which is a serious issue.  In my opinion, only YOU have the right to be in a relationship which suits you, but bringing another life in it should mean serious and clear decisions in terms of commitment with the guy.

Moreover, property and maintenance issues can hamper the very free spirit of a live in relationship, which is supposed to be a "no strings attached" thing.  A live-in should be a matter of choice, a matter of desire and not a compromise with situation and the need to be protected. 

Women should be given a chance to know what they are heading into or else they may suffer and give in to the thick and inescapable net of marriage.  But for this women really need to be smart and just know that they do not give in to any exploitation, especially financial, and learn to assert themselves.

I am hopeful about this big social change. What do you say? How do you see it ten years from now? Are you in a Live-in? or a friend of yours? what are the practical issues involved? Do share you views about this post.



RESTLESS

(This is the series of posts I am writing on women issues in India, see the label "Women Issues That Baffle Me" on this blog, to read more)

When Indian Muslim Women Questioned Fatwa.... winds of change are blowing

image:themuslimwoman.org

Imagine the alleys of an old city in a place like Lucknow, and in a locality which is very conservative and a few women, (as I saw in the picture, there was no Burqa), march together with placards saying things like "Dharmacharyon se yeh keh do hum unki zageer nahin" " sehen sheelta ka ghunghat uthaiye aur  anyay ke khilaf  awaaz uthaiye". (We are not the property of the religious leaders and leave the veil of tolerance and fight for your rights)

Whoa!!! I was happy when I read this article this morning in newspaper.

Imagine these women march shouting slogans, waving placards and the march ends at the marital home of two of those three women who had ROUGHED UP SOME MAULVIS OF THE SHARIAT COURT IN JUNE FOR ISSUING EX-PARTE TALAQNAMA. After some commotion, the women get their way into their homes, and in laws could not say anything.

The many fatwas issued for muslim women recently like forbidding them to ride bicycles (something to do with virginity?!), joining public office without hijab ( I don't understand hijab), talk loudly, join judiciary (eh scared!) or even talk to their fiance before marriage (oh so that the girl does not know what  a @#$@#$ he is !).

Very rightly, a muslim lady has asked "when women work as labourers on the streets, no one says a woman is not allowed to do that, then why a fatwa for wearing a black coat or a stethoscope?" Very valid question.

Only insecure men use such controlling behaviour towards their women. I am so glad to see, women came out in open to oppose it.  By the way, just a day before, there was a news(see here) that how a widowed women was executed publicly (by shooting in her head) after hours of torture (flogging) on the charges of adultery (she was pregnant) by Taliban in Afghanistan. The man responsible was obviously was not touched ! What an irony !

It disturbs me and scares me equally, what if such a practice starts here in India ? What if the Fatwas issued are not followed and from some far flung small locality, we get the news of such executions.  Such socio-religious issues cannot be tackled by law alone.  Constitution has prohibited us from doing many things, but in the name of customs, religion or prevailing caste systems, we, our own people break them, and then the law watches everything helplessly or  sometimes react on it, and their reaction is too little too late. 

I have all the reason to be disturbed when the honour killings (God! this word has suddenly surfaced.... when we thought it was thing of the past.... Kings sacrificing some one for their honour kind of stuff ).  But we are witnessing it, then who can stop these Maulvis, who are so so narrow minded ?

So, when these ordinary women like you and me but who were gritty enough to lash back, march united, I feel proud of the fact that I am an Indian, I have freedom to voice my opinions, and thank God for the fact that I belong to India and not to Afghanistan.

Jai Hind

A RESTLESS MIND WITH

A SENSITIVE HEART

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