Hey Woman Stay Girl!

September 5, 2010
There was this Advertisement on Indian TV channels long back in which a lady dressed up in a business suit walks down the road, but seeing a group of children playing with the skipping rope, breaks into a girly act and starts skipping with the kids.  Her lady-like poise suddenly takes a back seat when she chooses to become a kid with the kids.

Michelle Obama (zimbio.com image)
This ability to become a child when in the company of these small wonders is beautiful.  Otherwise also, being able to do silly little things and laugh and enjoy like a child is quality, I think we should have.  There is a child in all of us, our innocent self, our playful self.  Ever tried getting in touch with that child?

Here, I am not talking about being childish, ie., immature behaviour.  In psychology, there is something called Transactional Analysis, it says that every person has three ego states - child ego, parent ego and adult ego.  A conflict arises when two people in different ego states are communicating. Example, an employer asks a young girl, an employee, about the reason that she is late for work (adult ego state, expecting an adult to respond). And the girl, giggles like a child and tells some funny reason (child ego state responding), and hence anger gets generated in the employer, ie., the conflict. 

So, the point is I am not talking about child ego state of a person. Rather, about our innocent and playful childlike self, which can appreciate the world in a better way, than we as adults can do.

In our country, even now, girls are burdened with household chores at a young age.  I would call it burden, because girls, just like boys, have to work equally hard for studies, and boys are never told to help the mother in kitchen or something.  On the other hand, girls are expected to learn making tea, boiling rice, slicing vegetables, arranging and clearing dinner table etc.  While boys, at max, are taught to run to a local shop to buy little grocery things.  So gender roles are assigned very young in life.

After marriage, a girl has to play various roles of being a wife, a daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law, an aunt, then a mother, a teacher (of her kids), a home maker, a professional (depending on need), a house keeper, a nutritionist, an aware parent (it differs from being a parent) etc.  While men, generally, earn money for the family and do not really think it is their job to help wife in domestic work, he will do but, always show that actually it is not HIS work.

These multifarious roles actually makes her forget that she is a girl or a woman also.  Women tend to forget about what they liked, what they desired, what were their hobbies, how do they look (only a small fraction of urban women are an exception) etc.
image at momlogic.com/

I think, its time you, the reader -man or woman- find that ME-TIME, for yourself, ie., your own personal space and your time for yourself.  Find that little thing you always wanted to pursue as a hobby, try to do it in a little way (As for me I never gave up on poetry and sketching, will be sharing them too!).  Indulge in what you like the most - reading, drawing, learning an art form, may be dressing up, anything.  I have personally, always believed in keeping that little girl alive in me.  So, a few months back I started oil painting, despite discouragement, and could finish one painting, finding little time every week for it.  Shall be posting it later!

So next time, when you look into the mirror, don't look at the mother, or the wife, or the husband, or the father in you, but look at YOU, the person you, the little child in you and listen to what he or she tells you. 

All the best!


PS: Just a word, on why I made the title gender specific - it's because I feel, it's women more than men who neglect themselves in Indian society.  But, it applies to men as well, as they too tend to forget about what they liked while playing various roles in life.


Girish said...

Everybody should take some 'me time' & do things which they like..
Very nice post & everything is quite true!!

শর্বরী - Sarbari said...

I love keeping the little girl alive but its hard work - the older one gets, more are the pressures from around to let her go.

nice piece.

Sakhi Shah said...

Haha, I think we often take ourselves too seriously and that's why we stop being children...it reminds me of a quote I love, "You don't stop playing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop playing..."

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

true, how often do we need to remind ourselves that we were not sent down here to just work to survive, its a place for everything.

Anu said...

Hola! Got reminded of my Psychology classes with Transaction analysis! There is always a child/kid hidden inside every women. It's just,we dont have time to bring that kid out! With so much of complicated roles to play, mostly, we end up living a life - not for US, but for others (husby, child etC). So much of sacrifice goes into the life...Oh god...

Raj A said...

This post kept me a little baffled.
Any relationship is bound by love, sharing and understanding. If there is good understanding and sharing of responsibilities between couples, a feeling of inequality will not rise between a man and a woman, because in reality, both sexes share equal rights. People may agree to whatever we say or write, but the very same people may not be able to practice it in reality.
Though it is hard to find perfect couples these days, such posts may be misleading to those who found true equality in their marital life. At times differences arise just because a lady's mind is brainwashed either by media or by some relatives.
For a lady going outside in the middle of the night alone cant be considered as a fact for equality.
For a lady wearing revealing costumes (when number of rape cases are increasing) cannot be a matter of equality.
If she is a house wife, we cannot say that she is not considered equal. Do you think being a house wife is an easy task?
But yes she should be free to develop her self as a matter of equality.

Vee said...

quite true and quite a useful gyan that helps us in being content with our lives.

Anonymous said...

lovely post
even i have written on similar topic
do read if u get time

Monika said...

very well said, if only we keep the child in us alive the world certainly would be a much better place to live for us and for others :)

A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...


@ Sharbouri - I know, it happens with all!

@ Sakhi - well said! good one!

@ BA - hmm live to work, work to live!

@ Vaish - that was the aim! get in touch with her and listen what she says?!

@ Vee- :)

@ Anju - thanks. ok sure.

@ Monika - welcome Monika! yeah so much trouble would be solved and people would be relaxed as well.


A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...

@ Raj - A relationship which has love, understanding, sharing and caring cannot get affected by any misleading relative or the brainwash.

Equality doesnot mean, being wierd. Asking for freedom to go out late at night is not equality.

You seem to have confused what i wrote. Home makers work hard and round the clock and are not given any remuneration. so it is a tougher job.


Vikram Waman Karve said...

I loved reading this for I always keep the small boy inside me alive and active...

The Enchantress said...

i love your thoughts !!!

thanks for penning it down in words...

A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...

Vikram ji, that's visible from your enthu! am glad for that.

Hey Nikita - thanks!!!


NeoTheHack said...

Very True. Problems usually occur in Crossed transactions, where the other person is at a different level. The parent is either nurturing or controlling, and often dictates to the child, who is either adaptive or natural.
The ideal way is the mature and rational Adult-Adult relationship.

NeoTheHack said...

...and as per TA, often the winner of such mind game is the person who returns to the Adult (Parent) ego-state first. How will you explain this in the context of what you wrote.

A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...

@ Neothehack - yeah adult adult transaction can solve lot of issues.

about your second comment -

The idea was not to talk about TA as such. the mention of TA came to clarify what does it mean to be a child ( ie don't have child ego state,when u should have adult ego state).

A person will win, only when he or she is aware what mental game is being played at that moment. Depends a lot on the relationship and situation.

If you alone know it is a game, of course you will win!

In the context of this article, well hardly any correlation here. do u see any?


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