Life Is Beautiful - Don't Give Up Dear

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. 

KNOW ABOUT IT

Magnitude of the problem   Suicide is among the top 20 leading causes of death globally for all ages. Every year, nearly one million people die from suicide.

Risk factors   Mental illness, primarily depression and alcohol use disorders, abuse, violence, loss, cultural and social background, represent major risk factors for suicide.

Prevention   Restriction of access to means of suicide, such as toxic substances and firearms, identification and management of persons suffering from mental and substance use disorders, improved access to health and social services, and responsible reporting of suicide by the media are effective strategies for the prevention of suicide.

WHAT WE AS CITIZENS OF THE WORLD CAN DO?

International Association for Suicide Prevention ( IASP ) works for this cause and have started this campaign.  They say that we can a part of the campaign, by lighting a candle near a window at 8 pm today.  Although, lighting a candle is only a symbolic act, but let us try to spread the awareness about this cause.

DO YOU THINK YOU NEED HELP?

If you are feeling suicidal or know of someone who needs help,  here is the link Help to find a crisis center anywhere in the world. (I was surprised to see that such a network exists, see it to believe it)

Also, for more information on this, you may see the website of World Health Organisation ( WHO )

MY VIEW ON THE ISSUE :

Although, the decision to end one's life is a personal issue, I believe that suicide should not be a called a crime, as is the scenario in India.  It should be an individual's personal choice - to live or not to live.  The Govt, at least should not have anything to do with it.

However, since a person is born to a family, towards whom he has certain responsibilities, therefore, one should not simply think of death as the death of his body, it is the demise of the dreams and expectations of a whole family, it is the shattering of some one's trust, and it is cowardice to believe that death will solve all problems.  You will die, but will give birth to such gloom and so many troubles, that you can only be called a coward.

So, if you have any such thoughts, know it, that every morning is a fresh start of life.  However dark the night is, there is always a morning awaiting you. Just talk to a friend, don't kill yourself in silence.

Let us be sensitive towards the people around us, lend an ear to the depressed, extend a hand of support to the one who is drowning in depression and having suicidal thoughts.

AS A BLOGGER

I have submitted my post to Bloggersunite.org  to extend my support to the cause, so can you.

RESTLESS

Ma, I Wish I Was Beaten Black And Blue : A Poem On Emotional Abuse

Dear reader, here is a poem on emotional abuse in relationships.  A married daughter tells her horror story of emotional harassment and mental abuse, which the mother does not want to understand, as she herself is helpless, but does not want her daughter to know it.

I WISH I WAS BEATEN BLACK AND BLUE

Ma,

I wish I was beaten black and blue.

For a hurt is never an offence for you

for a taunt doesn't even count,

for the words never leave a wound

to show the hatred abound.

You say, I have to bear with the insult hurled

for I am an Indian girl.

Remember the day you slapped me , Ma?

We cried together, for it was love.

I see no remorse in his eyes though

You say "but he loves you",

I wondered through and through.

You say, I have to bear with the insult hurled

for I am an Indian girl.

When I was pushed, I was surprised;

When I was slapped I wanted to shout;

And when I am pinned down to the bed

I close my eyes and remember you say that

I have to bear with the insult hurled

for I am an Indian girl.

You ask me show where he hit you?

But, what do I show you Ma?

A slap on my face doesn't cut my lips

a push till the wall doesn't leave a bruise

a hit of elbow on my breast

hurts... but doesn't leave me blue.

I wait endlessly to be beated black and blue

all these years

I have waited through.

I suffer, because I am not yet burned

I suffer, because I have no bruise to show

I suffer because for the world

the piercing of the soul matters not

I suffer because I am not beaten black and blue,

I suffer because I am not beaten black and blue.

Many women in marriages suffer emotional abuse all their lives from their partners or sometimes from other family members. Such verbal hurling of insults can have serious effect of a person's psyche, it can lower one's moral and self confidence, apart from making her dwell in self pity. Unfortunately, there was nobody to even acknowledge that such a problem exists, even in well off and educated families. Just 2-3 years back, the definition of "Domestic Violence" has been enhanced to cover emotional harassment also under The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005.   

A word of caution. On the one hand, women should be aware that nobody has the right to put them down, even emotionally, on the other hand they should not misuse the provisions to settle petty scores with the family in which they are married.

RESTLESS

(This is a series of posts I am writing on women issues in India. To read more see the label "women issues that baffle me" on this blog)

Hey Woman Stay Girl!

There was this Advertisement on Indian TV channels long back in which a lady dressed up in a business suit walks down the road, but seeing a group of children playing with the skipping rope, breaks into a girly act and starts skipping with the kids.  Her lady-like poise suddenly takes a back seat when she chooses to become a kid with the kids.

Michelle Obama (zimbio.com image)

This ability to become a child when in the company of these small wonders is beautiful.  Otherwise also, being able to do silly little things and laugh and enjoy like a child is quality, I think we should have.  There is a child in all of us, our innocent self, our playful self.  Ever tried getting in touch with that child?

Here, I am not talking about being childish, ie., immature behaviour.  In psychology, there is something called Transactional Analysis, it says that every person has three ego states - child ego, parent ego and adult ego.  A conflict arises when two people in different ego states are communicating. Example, an employer asks a young girl, an employee, about the reason that she is late for work (adult ego state, expecting an adult to respond). And the girl, giggles like a child and tells some funny reason (child ego state responding), and hence anger gets generated in the employer, ie., the conflict. 

So, the point is I am not talking about child ego state of a person. Rather, about our innocent and playful childlike self, which can appreciate the world in a better way, than we as adults can do.

In our country, even now, girls are burdened with household chores at a young age.  I would call it burden, because girls, just like boys, have to work equally hard for studies, and boys are never told to help the mother in kitchen or something.  On the other hand, girls are expected to learn making tea, boiling rice, slicing vegetables, arranging and clearing dinner table etc.  While boys, at max, are taught to run to a local shop to buy little grocery things.  So gender roles are assigned very young in life.

After marriage, a girl has to play various roles of being a wife, a daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law, an aunt, then a mother, a teacher (of her kids), a home maker, a professional (depending on need), a house keeper, a nutritionist, an aware parent (it differs from being a parent) etc.  While men, generally, earn money for the family and do not really think it is their job to help wife in domestic work, he will do but, always show that actually it is not HIS work.

These multifarious roles actually makes her forget that she is a girl or a woman also.  Women tend to forget about what they liked, what they desired, what were their hobbies, how do they look (only a small fraction of urban women are an exception) etc.

image at momlogic.com/

I think, its time you, the reader -man or woman- find that ME-TIME, for yourself, ie., your own personal space and your time for yourself.  Find that little thing you always wanted to pursue as a hobby, try to do it in a little way (As for me I never gave up on poetry and sketching, will be sharing them too!).  Indulge in what you like the most - reading, drawing, learning an art form, may be dressing up, anything.  I have personally, always believed in keeping that little girl alive in me.  So, a few months back I started oil painting, despite discouragement, and could finish one painting, finding little time every week for it.  Shall be posting it later!

So next time, when you look into the mirror, don't look at the mother, or the wife, or the husband, or the father in you, but look at YOU, the person you, the little child in you and listen to what he or she tells you. 

All the best!

RESTLESS

PS: Just a word, on why I made the title gender specific - it's because I feel, it's women more than men who neglect themselves in Indian society.  But, it applies to men as well, as they too tend to forget about what they liked while playing various roles in life.

RETURN

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 14; the fourteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Her eyes shone with the dangling of her earrings and the tinkle of her anklet, as she was swinging on the simple rope swing tied to the tree on that cool evening.  It was a lovely feeling for her, as her life had changed, she has her share of joy of marital bliss and it was beginning of her family life, she was expecting.

Her husband Toufeeq was equally excited for his baby.  He was glad he could marry the girl he liked so much since his childhood and now it is a good news which has filled the family of Toufeeq with unexplainable joy.  Gudiya swung slowly, just go get a little feel of the cool breeze, she knew she has to be careful, it is her fifth month of pregnancy.  And the thinly built Gudiya had begun to show the baby bump now.  

She knew she had left her past behind.  As it is it were just 10 days of marriage with Mohammad Arif, who left one day and didnot return.  

Everybody thought, it was good that her parents had arranged her second marriage to Toufeeq.  She had moved on, in real sense.

Her happiness though was shortlived.  Arif, had been declared a deserter by Army, when he disappeared while he was on duty mine sweeping near LoC, but later was found languishing in Pakistan jails and the Indian authorities got him released.  The news spread to Gudiya's village like fire.  

She was full term pregnant, had come to visit her mother's place, when the news of arrival of Arif reached her. She was summoned back to her first husband's place, as she had not legally divorced her first husband.  The matter of her heart, her choice, her life and her marriage became slave of the local religious leaders, and in her haplessness, she could only utter once " I am not a cow or a buffalo that you can now send me to Arif.  I love Toufeeq, I want to go to him.

image courtesy: rediff news

May be that was the only thing she could say before she was quietened by her family, society, elderly men and religious leaders etc.  Even her child to be born was labelled as illegitimate, as it was out of the wedlock.  Do I need to say it that Guriya was sent back to Arif, her first husband?

It was a return she had not expected, it was a return, which finally killed her. 

RESTLESS 

PS: This is based on a true incident.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Festivals Bridge The Religion Divide of Hindu-Muslim

It was Janmashtami yesterday.  Thinking about Krishna fills my heart with joy and mystic devotion. 

However, humanisation of God or the Super Power sometimes baffle me and goes beyond my understanding.  Some day I would like to explore, why we want our Gods to be like us humans? (ie., in physical form)

But right now, it is this picture, which completely left me speechless.  I was awed and had nothing to say.  Truly a picture speaks a thousand words. (Picture courtesy Times of India).

A MATTER OF FAITH: A Muslim woman carries her son, dressed as Lord Krishna, for a school function on the occasion of Janmashtami, in Patna on Wednesday (ie. 01 Sep 2010)

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The Rotten Food Figures Which Startled Me

I wrote about the millions of tons of food grain getting rotten in open in godowns and the apathy of poor man of the country, in my previous post. 

Just happened to read this article in The Times of India and was startled by the figures.  Could not help sharing with you all. Have a look.

Food Food Everywhere, Not A Bite To Eat!

Heated discussions are on in the Parliament of our country, News Channels are having serious debates, Newspapers are publishing News almost everyday on this topic; meanwhile millions of tons of food grains are rotting in open spaces and poor people of India are watching haplessly, not knowing, not understanding why is the fate of those rats and birds better than theirs, who are devouring the gunny bags full of the harvest of hard work of another poor farmer, while they can only hope and pray to get their next meal somehow. 

Rotting food grains (fnbnews.com)

I was thinking of not writing about this issue on my blog, but now it is, kind of getting too much.  While Food Corporation of India (FCI) does not have enough space to store these grains and therefore huge amount of food grains are lying in open, clearly indicating that our granaries are already overflowing with them. see link

But, on the other hand, a country which is still poor, with a large proportion of  people still living Below Poverty Line (BPL), is it justified to get the food rot and let the people die of hunger?  In fact, the number of poor people in 08 Indian States are more than 26 poorest African countries, as per the research conducted by Oxford University with the support of United Nations Development Programme (UNDP).

The stats do not affect you and me, as we are getting enough to eat, but to the man on the road, it is a big question that from where will he get his next meal, for himself and his family??

On this issue, there should have been a clear consensus with everyone agreeing that instead of food getting decomposed and spoilt completely, let us give it away to poor people for free.  This is exactly what Indian Supreme Court said to the Food Ministry, but ironically, the idea was brushed aside as being mere "suggestion" by the Court!  A (furious) Apex Court has now told that this is as ORDER and not a SUGGESTION.  Still there is dilly dallying from the Govt side. 

It is also a notable fact that the Public Distribution System (PDS) of the country, ie, the subsidised way in which the Govt ensures every poor man gets food, is poisoned by corruption and the food grains end up in the open market, instead of the platter of the poor man.

I really do not have any comments on this. I am just saying what has happened in last few days.

All this time, when I was reading and writing about this issue, only one thought kept floating in my mind, that in middle class families of any religion, or caste or region, food is always respected.  We are taught that we should not show disrespect to food, and be thankful to God that He gave us food to eat (remember the little prayer we used to say before meals in schools "Thank you God for the food we eat...."?). 

And always, in every household, methods were devised to use the leftovers.  Some families like to eat the leftover food, either in the same way or in a modified way. (example, leftover Dal would be kneaded in flour to make crisp chapattis full of protein).  In certain other families, leftover food may not be relished, so is definitely given away to the maid servant or sometimes to a beggar.  But, food is mostly never thrown in dust bin.  Its considered better for some human being or animal to consume it instead of merely throwing it ways.Also, in my family, my mother used to make the first chapatti of the day for some cow to eat it, believing that it brings prosperity to the household. 

If only this much common sense was used, only this much respect for food was shown, only this much of sanskar was inherited by a few people in command, no poor man would sleep empty stomached, no pregnant woman would  die due to weakness and no child would be malnourished. If only this much was remembered.....

RESTLESS

Sometimes Being A Fake Blogger Also Pays!

This is some news making the rounds in last 2-3 days.  All this time, we had been talking about being genuine in our blogs, writing things we have knowledge and interest in, and overall speaking from our heart and mind and soul and blah blah !

Anupam Mukherji

Here is an example where being fake also pays!  Anupam Mukherji, a Delhi boy and working as a freelance advertiser in Bangalore used to write a blog with the name of FAKE IPL PLAYER when IPL 2 started and wrote on till now.  He became a hot favourite among the cricket fans (which are huge in numbers anywhere in the world) and has a follower list of 8,434 bloggers/users!  He used to give the inside stories about the cricket world and players, and fans started believing him.

When asked how did he manage all this, he replied that he was inspired by the movie "Hoax" and only with the help of Internet and TV did he mange to be a sensation in the cricket world and became a talked about blogger!  On gaining popularity, he even wrote a book "The gamechangers" (well, quite a game player!)

This is an amazing success for a blogger, no doubt.  Now, he is out of the anonymity, I mean he decided to and he is on the front page of The Times of India (29 Aug 2010) for the world to know that the fake IPL player was actually Fake.

This is quite an achievement, whatever way, but he is popular because of his tact and his mind.

As a blogger, I feel elated!  whenever I read about a blogger achieving in some way, it definitely brings a smile on my face!

Cheers to Blogging and all the bloggers!

RESTLESS

Why Are You In Your Marriage?

image coutesy divorceanewstart.com/

It is only a myth that Indian Marriages are like the perfect case studies, which are taught and sold throughout the world.  People project marriages as something like a scratch-proof, metallic flower vase.  Beautiful, complete, unshakable, unbreakable and always so alive as the flowers in it.  Its such a myth. Its a myth for a majority of couples.  The people successful in marriages are the one's who are really smart, street smart.  They know its like a game, play it.  The one's who put their heart and mind and especially their mind in the unfolding of this intricate relationship, realise that it is based on inequalities, bias, exploitation.

Why do I say so, you will wonder? Or do you really wonder? Or you know it. But keep quiet just like others.

The biggest problems with Indian marriages is that we want to save the marriage at any cost.  Mind you at any cost.  First it would be you or your spouse trying to save it. 

Reasons vary, if its love, then its worth it, give it a million tries.  But mostly, its not true; the reasons are social reputation, "what will the people say?"  "His wife ran away?" "Her Husband dumped her? huh! may be she deserved it". 

Financial issues. Professionally unemployed women (women work their ass off as homemakers also) are insecure about their future and moreover, parents mostly try to shun their responsibility of caring for a daughter who has come back to her maternal house.  If you have a married brother, then know it girl, you are not wanted at all. 

Emotional issues. I have seen a woman, who knew her husband is cheating her and did not want her anymore, she clinged to him because she said she loved him! You know I was really aghast, how can you love someone who says "I hate you, don't come close to me".  I cannot understand this.

Now finally if a couple makes up their mind to separate out, there comes the great Indian Rishtedars, with band-baja, and rona-dhona and darana- dhamkana. Sorry for this, this is my natural flow of words, I mean then the relatives jump in using everything from emotions to threat to save the marriage somehow.  It is such a thing, which I fail to understand.  If the couple has to live with each other, making each other's life a living hell, then why, just why do these people have to come there to save the home, save the family, save the tradition, save the honour of the Khandan (is there an English word for this?!!!!).  At the end of the day, the couple has to deal with it.

But, there is only one soft point here, an individual whose words, emotions, feelings should be cared for, the children produced by the marriage.  Yes, children have the right to happiness and undivided love of their parents.  A couple should work hard towards making their kids life emotionally secure and balanced, I truly believe in it.

image courtesy blog.invitingsmiles.com

But tell me, can children be the only factor to be in a marriage?  Should a couple stay together because they don't want their children to go through  the trauma of choosing between one of the parents?  Should a woman stay in a marriage, a dead marriage, an emotionless marriage, and unequal marriage, because she does not want her children to cry?  What do you say? 

Should an individual be first a parent, then a man or a woman?  Does any right on our life, on our happiness, our desire, our wish left with us, when we are parents, the responsible parents of young children, who need our love and support to grow up right.  Then, does that mean that you should forget that you are experiencing a living hell, a humiliating life, a f&*%$d up life and just live on for your children? What do you say? What does an Indian say, I want to hear? Just what do you feel about it - is saving the marriage at any cost and thereby being the great example for generations to follow, is what one should do? Please do let me know.  I really want to hear this.......

RESTLESS (really I am!)

(This is the series of posts I am writing on women issues in India, see the label "Women Issues That Baffle Me" on this blog, to read more)

The Crumbled Flower

With the bloom of the flower, I move on

With the break of the dawn, I move on

With each heart ache, I learn to let go

With each barrier built, I learn to forgo.

I am just a weak mortal

looking for meanings, as I ponder

I shall crumble, as a dry

I know my fate,

I know the set dye.

RESTLESS