When the Umbilical Cord Is Severed

 I was not able to blog for all these days, due to some technical problems, but all the time, especially around the Mother's Day I was thinking of writing a post. Being a mother of two sons, the elder one being a  teenager, I have something to share.

No mother can forget the day her baby is born, as she lies in pain in the labour room.  The baby arrives and all the pain is gone, and then the umbilical cord, which has served its purpose is severed. Clamping the cord which provided nutrition and the life support to the unborn baby marks the end of his physical dependence on his mother.  As the baby is patted on his back, he learns to take his first breath and for the only time that cry of a baby is so melodious.  That cry means life.

image courtesy - guardian.co.uk

It's not just once when this umbilical cord is severed.  It gets severed twice.  At the onset of teenage, a child has a fair idea of his individuality, rather he has already learnt to exert it.  And dear reader,  feel proud as a parent if he or she does it.  You know as a parent that you've succeed in invoking the right thoughts.  You feel good when your teenager speaks his mind and  knows what he is speaking.  You know then, that you have succeeded as a parent, in this respect.

Although that pride is a subtle feeling.  More prominent is  a feeling that your child doesn't really need you at each step of his life.  (You look back and see how you always covered the sharp edges of the table with your palm, when you little one was learning to walk, fearing he would hurt himself).    And this time, a parent, who was eternally lost in the cute, cuddly ways of apple of his/her eye, learns to stand aside and watch another human being, a separate personality taking charge of his life, while the parent only feels like a side actor.

Suddenly, you know you have to step back.  You have to tell only when asked.  Children don't like sermons! (Did I ever like it? nah!!) In many fields your child knows more than you do. 

Teenage brings about that big change which again feels like the umbilical cord of the mind is getting detached.  Howsoever, the child is attached to his parent, howsoever strong the emotional bond is, this feeling of separate identities stared straight into your eyes.

It's the beginning of a new phase of the relationship between a mother and a child. Somewhere it hurts when your child shouts back at you but later regrets that too. Somewhere you have to accept that you don't belong to his buddies.  Somewhere you know that it's this delicate stage of his life which is making him behave in a way never known to you or himself.

You know that it's time to be even more patient, even more understanding with your child, as you are not just dealing with your off spring, you are dealing with the next generation of the times you are living in. It's you, the parent, who has to understand the changing perspectives of urban life.

Many a relationships between parents and children get disturbed forever at this juncture of life.  As parents take the rude and insensitive behaviour of their children as a personal insult and often their ego gets hurt.  They find it hard to forgive the child or on the other hand, may begin to ignore all the wrongdoings of their child out of weakness.

It's a challenging time for teenagers troubled by hormones and parents by the freshly severed umbilical cord.

take care

RESTLESS

Custodial Death Of A Rapist - Should We Be Happy??

Ideally, I should not have been happy to read this news.  It's about death.  about death of a human being.  About death of a man in police custody.  Does death in judicial custody not bring out anger in us?  It does.  But not this time.  I am sorry.  I am surprised with myself.  But, I am happy to know, this guy Mohana Krishnan who was a cabbie in Coimbatore was killed in a police encounter two days back. 

Was it a conspiracy? Or the alleged "act of self-defence" by the police officers? or the Robin Hood act?  I don't know.  But as a citizen of this country, where there is a general feeling of hopelessness in the law and order situation, I am happy.  As a mother, I am happy.  As a woman I am happy.  But believe me, as I type this, there is no smile on my face, because as a human being, somewhere I am pained by this man's death, because ultimately he was a human being, who had even requested his doctor for a lethal injection during the medical examination just 2-3 days before his death in this shoot out, when he allegedly snatched the revolver of one the police inspectors and shot him.

I share my happiness of this fast track justice with those many cab drivers and auto rickshaw drivers and the people of Coimbatore who celebrated his death by distributing sweets.  Of course, they had a reason to be happy.  After all, this man had brought a bad name to their profession.

Mohana Krishnan, a 23 year old cab driver, who worked as a school van driver for a few days, picked up two children, a 10 year old girl and her younger brother before their usual school van arrived.  He had originally planned to abduct the kids for ransom, but later developed cold feet.  He tortured the children, raped the little girl and later threw the helpless innocent children in a canal near Tirumurthy dam, 77 kms from Coimbatore.  He was helped by another tractor driver.  This is such a ghastly act.  How can we be so intoxicated with greed, with lust that we are unable to understand how helpless a child is?  Were we not children once.... does that memory also does not scare these animals when they decide to do such ghastly acts against little angles??

This man, died in police custody, while he was being taken to another place (the reasons behind his movement at the early hour is unclear).  Police says that this guy snatched a revolver and was almost on a shooting spree, when they had to kill him in self defence.  As expected, there is an enquiry into this matter.  (Thankfully, a small news in one corner of the newspaper, and not the front page, mentioned about it today, or else I would called it displaced sense of priority or sensitivity).  Now, the Human Rights people may also raise their voice on custodial death.  May be they have a point, yes they have a point, as whether a person is guilty or not is decided by judiciary and not the law enforcing agency ie Police. 

But, do you know, a similar case happened in Delhi just one odd month back.  A school van driver, again a young man, used to sexually exploit three siblings - one girl and two boys, all between 6 to 12 years age (as far as I remember), the girl being the eldest.  This man, on the pretext of picking these kids up for school would take them to some houses, where he had access and would rape the girl and sodomise the boys. The kids were drugged every time.  They got used to the material abuse.

All this continued for almost two years.  I am aghast to think about it.  The kids were too scared as the man allegedly had made MMS of the three kids in objectionable condition and had threatened to kill them as well.  The pitiable part is that their widowed mother was a working woman, living alone with kids in Delhi, and she could never realise, that the children are not reaching school for many a days.  The kids, specially the girl started withdrawing herself and showed change in behaviour, of course the drug had physiological effect on all three of the kids.

It shocked me and pained me, as everyday, the update on this kept coming.  Just another day, I read that, this man guilty of drugging and sexually exploiting poor and helpless kids had been arrested.

Now, does it make us content?  Does taking somebody to custody is punishment enough?  Will he be tried? or will he manage to unshackle himself, courtesy some who's who of the power capital Delhi?  Will the children, who had to be put in a rehabilitation centre to get out of habit of drugs, would ever live a normal, healthy life?  This scar in their innocent minds will pain them all their lives. 

And if the the situation goes bad, in all likelihood, we are witnessing  the making of another rapist, another abductor, another thief, another molestor.  Will he be or for that matter, they be feeling guilty of what they are doing..... when they grow up? NO.  because they would be giving back the society what they got.  They had their childhood trampled under a pair of filthy boots, they are going to give the filth back on the face of their world, their families, their relationships and anybody who comes in touch with them.

However, education can help, counselling can help, but a bad memory of childhood moulds us, moulds our psyche and our being.

There is a need for us, parents, us guardians, and teachers and people to preserve the childhood of not just our children but children, in general.  The channel of communication with our kids should always be open to know what they are experiencing.  Parents need to be more sensitive and perceptive with small children, as they don't even know how to express things.  We have a huge role to play in this increasingly unsafe world.  Also, please try to think beyond my kid, my home, my family mentality.  We get affected because overall, situations go bad,  and we keep our eyes shut saying, this has not happened to me.  It's time we stop being selfish.

Meanwhile, the accidental shoot out or encounter, whatever you call it, this quick justice is making me feel good...... mmmm bad..... well a mixed feeling.

How do you feel about it? let me know.

RESTLESS

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