Being Draupadi - Thoughts On Women's Day

Was it a coincidence or was it destined that I would be finishing reading this book (yes, it takes me a around two months to finish a book) around International Women's Day? I don't know but  there is a rush of power flowing in my blood as i  flip cautiously through the crisp pages of the book "The Palace of Illusions" by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni.  If I put it simply for you, which i am tempted not to do, I would say that this book is an interpretation of Mahabharata through the eyes of "Draupadi".

We all have grown up on the stories of Ramayana and Mahabharata, and the countless repetitions, the convincing tones of our grand parents, the supplementary reading books in schools of these epics, and the live characters shown on TV serials made on these stories make us believe deeply that these were real. Were they?  After reading the book, i am getting convinced they were.

All this time I was waiting to finish the book, to be able to write about it. I was burning since the time Draupadi is  insulted and humiliated in Court of Hastinapur.  I was livid on her husbands' silence.  I too wanted an answer as to what kept everybody quiet? But I pulled along with the woman with five husbands, as she moves ahead in her life, but i burnt in anger, grinding my teeth as i read the name of  'Yudhisthir' again and again in the book. 

 But, i can't believe where my anger has dissolved suddenly, as i finish the book.  As i closed the hard bound cover, i also covered my eyes preventing them to lose the sight, the solace, the peace and the contentment I have got.... just as Draupadi might have felt before dying. As she lay bruised, hurt, frozen, numbed by cold of the snow on the way to Mahaprasthan, she has amongst all the questions this one question which haunted her all her life "Why did Bheeshma not stop Duryodhan from robing her modesty in full view of his royal court?" And Krishna, her friend for life, omnipresent, (he had already died by then, simply put) says :

 " Bheesma thought too deeply of the laws of the men.  It paralyzed him.  He wasn't sure whether you were already Durodhan's property - in which case he had no right to intervene.  But sometimes one has to drop logic and go with the instinct of the heart even if it contradicts law". 

 A balm for my heart... and a resonance of my thoughts... made me relax.  Sometimes a mere understanding of your pain from your loved one is all you need.

As I try to make sense to you, dear reader, I realise that my thoughts on this book, my feeling for Draupadi and my intent to write something on the occasion of Women's Day, today as we live in a different Yuga altogether, are all mixed up,and all so connected,  roughly speaking.  It's almost like trying to pull out the loose end of a badly entangled woollen yarn.

This book is a powerful reading, seeing and feeling the world and life around Draupadi was indeed an eye opener, as the author takes you along the journey right from the Yagna fire from which she was born to the open sky where her soul wanders relaxed after she leaves her body.  It was mystical. 

I never knew that Draupadi loved Karna so intently and so passionately in the secrecy of her heart and nor did I know that amongst her five husbands, it was Bheema who actually loved her truly.  The book "The Palace of Illusions" puts forth the women of that era, puts their feelings and thoughts at the fore front.  And that really delights me, to be able to feel another woman's heart and soul.  

To sum up Draupadi's persona, I would not say that she was a great woman, as she had her flaws which caused the great war.  But, I would surely say that she lived her life as she wanted it, she followed her mind and was strong willed.  She respected herself even when her husbands faltered.  That is something amazing about her.  Although as a queen and as a wife of five men she outshone other women, but she simply ignored her five sons born out of the Pandavas.  She hardly contributed in their upbringing as she chose to remain with her husbands in exile.

Lastly, to sum up my thoughts over the book and the current situation of women in our country, I am left with one question: What would a common man choose today family honour or personal pride and ego or the well being, safety and security of a loved one?  The answer may vary from situation to situation, but think about it.

RESTLESS

'Afterwards' - The story after THE end

I just finished reading this book called "Afterwards" by Jaishree Misra, while lazing around on my break from work for a few days. I don't really write a review of a book, but do want to write about it in my blog.

'Afterwards' is the story which begins when we have happily concluded one.  'Afterwards' begins where the flow of a river pours itself into an ocean and we believe it's all over;  the journey of the river is over.  But, then we get know it's not... this novel is the story of the journey afterwards.

The story:

A simple and beautiful woman Maya, deeply unhappy with her possessive  and well to do husband, wants to run away from this life and seeks support from a young man who has just shifted to her neighbourhood.  Rahul, the young man whose love for Mridangam brings her to Kerala for vacation (and of course he wants to give himself a breather from her breakup from an non-understanding girl friend).  Smitten by the beauty of his neighbour, Rahul can't resist spending time with Maya and her little daughter Anjali, visiting monuments and eating together.  But soon, he realises that the beautiful eyes bore deep sadness within them.  Maya's husband was too possessive for her comfort, so she wants to run away along with her daughter.  She was helpless as she had no support from her parents or parents in law.

Rahul, after initial confusion, agrees to help her and takes Maya and Anjali to UK, where he was working and settled.  Maya was disowned by her parents and her death rites were performed by her parents. But, away from the preening eyes of  their Indian relatives and friends, they lived together happily in UK.  Maya and Anjali adjusted to the new life easily and Maya began to work for an NGO for women.  They lived happily....... ever after.....I wish they lived liked that forever.  But the story begins at this point.

No, there is no conflict between the two, neither Maya's husband nor Rahul's mother landed up there to be a spoil sport.  But destiny turned their world upside down. That is what the story 'afterwards' is.

 My thoughts and opinion :

There are just two things which disappoint me about this novel.

First, the story- which is hardly a reality in Indian context.  And second, a woman author speaking from the character of a man, which didn't do any justice to it.

All in all, this was like a beautiful fairy tale! A fantasy of a young girl tied down by the social and moral bondages, who chooses to set herself free in her imagination.  This story can give hope to any Indian girl, suffering in her marriage helplessly that there is a 'Prince Charming', who will come one day and take her along to a new, unseen and wonderful world.  

It was very simplistic of the author to think that a man would ever think of eloping with a married woman with a 1-2 year old daughter, and that too when the lady has no money or jewellery or a degree to support herself and on top of all that when the man is not even in love with her! 

First of all, running away with another man's wife itself calls for a lot of courage.... or stupidity.  And since when possessiveness and possessiveness alone is cruelty in Indian marriages?  May be the Supreme Court says so, but the ground reality is that with women being more competitive now a days and men still standing where they were 10 years back are generally possessive about their women, say it or hide it!

And parents not supporting their daughter if she wants to leave her husband.... sounds familiar, right?!  Yes, that happens all the time... in the huge bungalows to the small rented houses, that happens always.

Had Maya taken the legal course, she would have been better off.... even time proved that.

Secondly, as I said, when a woman speaks from a man's mouth, she generally does not do justice.  A man's thought process, perception, expressions, ways of expressing love, calculation in practical matters and reactions to situation is far different from a woman's.  It goes without saying.  I felt all the time that it was a woman speaking with that hoarse voice of a man!  

Was it intentional or by error that the author forgot to tell the reader how and when Maya fell in love with Rahul?  How a possessive husband suddenly fizzled out and never ever tried to find her wife... and became a lamenting grief stricken weak man?  How could Rahul, who ran away with someone's wife thought that he could actually nurse his anger for the poor husband, as he was 'possessive' about his wife and 'doubted her' too much?! Or was that he defense mechanism?!

Things, first were not seen from Indian society's point of view, where eloping with a man doesn't entitle you to any right to be angry with anyone, no matter what.  A girl has shamed everyone, if she just runs away like that.  An educated woman like her could have fought for herself, instead of running away.  And second, about the style of writing, it should not have been the recollection of  thoughts by a man when the author was a woman.

Overall, a very touching read... it melts your heart.... keeps you connected with it.  It weaves the story very well, giving full chance for all the characters to make a mark in the story line.  You can't finish reading this book without shedding a tear or too!

take care

RESTLESS

PS : Thanks friend for lending me this book for so long!

"Eat Pray Love"- My Journey With The Book

Dear Reader,

This is not really a book review, but it's my journey with the book.  Very subtly this book helped me smile, helped me express and help me get over my blues.  Surely, the book got me hook, line and sinker! And, that's the reason, I am writing about it.

And yes, by the way, you would be knowing about the much talked about movie with the same name, based on this book and starring Julia Roberts.

About the book :

The book, "Eat Pray Love" is a travelogue authored by Elizabeth Gilbert. The author (nicknamed as Liz) travels to Italy, India and Indonesia, to get over her depression, searching for peace, a meaning of her life and yes, happiness. It is a beautiful, a very honest, and very tender account of a 30 something woman, who writes with so much passion and with such simplicity (even in language), that you can not help falling in love with her writings.  The story revolves around the experiences, experiments and learning of the author.

The Story and my thought flow:

Liz is depressed due to her divorce to her husband of six years for REALLY NO BIG REASON! She is not able to figure out why she wanted the divorce.  She is not ready for motherhood, as a matter of fact.

Point to ponder : Divorcing a man who made your life hell can feel like a victory, but leaving the one who did not, can cause prolonged emotional conflict and pain, as you part.  But then, why does she want to part?  She seemed confused to me, as she says "She doesn't want to be married anymore".  Is it stagnation of a relationship? Is it that you have reached a saturation point?  May be, but she feels very strongly about it, as she sits and cries the nights through talking to herself.

Another thing, which made me think was that a Western woman in her 30s, waits for the feeling when she is ready for motherhood.  Liz knows 30s are like alarm bells for the reproductive cycle of a woman, hence feels the mental pressure but does not really feel ready to be a mother yet, from her heart.  (Her work involves a lot of travelling to distant places).  Has any Indian woman ever asked herself really  - "Am I ready to be a mother, a nurturer, a giver from now on?"  "I decide to be a mother".... or "NO, I don't feel that yet.  No I don't like children". Have we?  Can a woman utter such an un-womanly thing like " I don't like children" (not that I would like to hear this). Marriage, a streamlined life, financial security, body clock, Mom-in-law's advice are a few factors which make us think about having children, generally speaking. Ah, I know you are going to differ, ok pl write in comments, would like to hear : )

Meanwhile, she meets David, whom she feels is her soulmate, but the relationship fails as she is still coping mentally with the divorce she had slapped on her husband, who obviously is angry over it.  This added heartache, makes her decide to plan a tour to Italy, then India and then to Indonesia where she does exactly what has been said in the title -  Eat, Pray, Love, in that order!!

ITALY -  She spends four months in Rome, makes friends, has a crush for an Italian boy, loved the language and went head over heals on the pizzas and ice-creams (and things which I really could not prononouce or understand!).  Finally, she puts on weight too, but partially succeeds in getting over her anti-depressant pills. Binging on food is a common refuge from depression, she knows it, but still goes on with it.

INDIA - Stays in the Ashram of a Guru (name not disclosed).  Learns meditation with great difficulty, and very slowly, fighting with her physical self and her innerself. Here, she meets a person, who helps her connect with herself and forgive her boyfriend David and clear the air of negativity with her ex-husband, through meditation.  Liz believed David was her soulmate, so parting with him pained her deeply.

I was impressed by this wonderful explanation of the world 'soul mate', how we take it and what is the purpose of a soulmate in our lives, as explained.

" People think a soulmate is your perfect fit and that's what everyone wants.  But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.  A true soul mate is probably the most important person  you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.  But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave.  And thank God for it."

INDONESIA - Finally, a transformed, a lighter and an enlightened Liz leaves to Indonesia, Bali.  There is a detailed account of the social, religious, political structure of the country (which can be boring for some). Her friendship with a medicine man (Vaidya, as we say in Hindi) Ketut, helps her stabilize better and Wayan - the lady with grit and talent (Balinese medicine and therapy) gives her good company. 

Just read this and you will know why Wayan's knowledge left me dumb struck !!:

"She (Wayan) opened her eyes, grinned and said, " I can tell by your knees that you don't have much sex lately."

I said, "Why? Because they're so close together?"

She laughed, " No - it's the cartilage.  Very dry.  Hormones from sex lubricate the joints.  How long since sex for you?"

And then, finally, Liz falls in love with a Brazilian guy Felipe, who's quite elder than her.  Though, she takes time to understand this was the man for her, but by the end she realizes she has found the man who really loves her and dotes on her.  A happy ending, but very touching, and quite romantic too!

While getting down from the boat on which both of them lazed around for some time, Liz speaks the Italian word she so loved - Attraversiamo, meaning  "Let's cross over".

The book kind of guides you towards the way to cross over your sadness, your sorrows, your lonliness through sustained efforts, through engaging yourself creatively and helping the one's who may need you.

Dear reader, Let's cross over!

RESTLESS