Stray Thoughts

September 8, 2011
I was clueless as to what should be the title of this post.  

To begin with, I wanted to write why I have gone quiet, in blogging. But the happenings around us affect us so much (especially when it is a bomb blast in your city) that I can't stop myself for speaking about it. 

Delhi experienced yet another bomb blast yesterday at the Delhi High Court, the heart of the city area and at a time when the security was already there due to the Parliament session.  But no avail for the common man.  The bomb ripped through many lives and many families.  The pain is indescribable.  What does a common man do? Should he learn to live in fear, constant fear... not knowing whether he'll return to his home safe in the evening or not?  There were a lot of discussions going on, on the TV yesterday.  I really wish something concrete comes out of the discussions, debates and statements issued.

My heart goes out to all the innocent people, common people like you and me who lost their lives and or got injured due the bomb blast yesterday.

Coming to myself, I am experiencing the phase of my life when all I want is to be quiet.  I don't want to speak, or express what I think or feel.  At times in life, you have to be really silent to hear what others are saying. Or may be, I should say, at times, you want to sit down and analyze as to where are you heading? what are you  up to? how correct you were in your choices and more importantly, how correct you were in following a certain ideology for leading your life?  Now is the time for me. I'm in doubt... about my beliefs, belief systems.

I think the best way, I think, a person can deal with this mental state is to - speak to a friend, get a clear and honest feedback.  Second, to slow down and pull out of the situation which is troubling you.  And thirdly, do some self analysis, and if that hurts a lot,  rejuvenate yourself by things like listening to music or reading good books or anything which soothes you.  

I'm undergoing the phase, which I've gone through earlier too. I'm questioning myself and unlearning a few things, to make way for something new to be learned. So, I know, it's toughening me and sculpting me for better. Better - only to make me fitter to survive in the world where it pays to be fake and street smart.  Although, this is surely not my destination, but I guess, I'll HAVE to pass through this stretch.
 
Have you ever questioned your choices? your beliefs? Have you  ever felt forced to evaluate as to what went wrong when your intentions were not bad in dealing with a person or a situation in personal life or in work life?

Do share your honest thoughts...


RESTLESS

15 comments:

Ms.Nobody said...

I am the first? well , this is gonna be lil long ..To talk about terrorist attacks, well hasn't it become a part and parcel of life to the common man ? Just like the rising prices and dwindling quality of life, almost every part of India gets frequent jolts from speedy life. And who cares to make a diff ? One, like me, frets, fumes, blames, and do all possible wordy war and feel helpless for not being able to do anything apart from that, and the other, isn't bothered of where all this heads to.. So whom to blame ? whom to point out ? I raise one finger and the world points out that other fingers are pointing to me..When in years, brilliant minds stand helpless(while some fuels), what can a brainless(in this regard) like me do ?

Secondly, coming on to personal phase. Well, honestly, I was into this phase, sometimes back, contemplating on few issues, about few relations, some decisions, etc etc. Its true, when you need silence, thousand questions would storm your brain, damaging the little confidence we are fighting to regain. And times when talking to friend, or any other diversion doesn't work out, things look hell. People say(read optimists) all this are part and parcel of life, everyone goes through this,blah blah,and you have no choice but to accept that some things are meant to be so. Question it, lament it, feel helpless, struggle, do whatever, at the end of the day, you have no choice but to swallow the bitter pill, which toughens your system. i read somewhere recently, that you are what you create. Its just half truth, the other side of the coin is, your painted some shades by outside world,sometimes without your knowledge, sometimes helplessly knowing about it.

Too very long, but heartfelt words ... Would like to know your opinion :)

varsha tiwary said...

Oh yes I have ended up in tight spots even with the best of intentions : it is naivety and expectation of reciprocation that cause this unhappy state of affairs. But time and perspective heals .

Prathama Raghavan said...

Strangely enough when I am lonely I am quiet. I just want to sit in front of a meaningless serial/movie and pass my days. I don't feel like doing much. Loneliness is really just in my head.

I think my questioning of my choices in life is like the seasons, it is a cycle. Sometimes I think it even corresponds to the seasons. In the monsoons I am gloomy and I contemplate and then by the time autumn goes and winter comes my demons are buried deep enough to not surface before the next monsoon.
If you see what I mean!

P.S: just read your post 'An ode to the blogosphere' as it appears below this one and coincidentally I wrote a post yesterday about how women bloggers have changed my lonely world.

Prateek said...

Now my mother is scared. She is trembled with the blast considering my college route. 

RESTLESS said...

Comment by Ms.Nobody: 

(comments not posted in disqus form do not get published on their own, so i copy pasted it.)

I am the first? well , this is gonna be lil long ..To talk about terrorist attacks, well hasn't it become a part and parcel of life to the common man ? Just like the rising prices and dwindling quality of life, almost every part of India gets frequent jolts from speedy life. And who cares to make a diff ? One, like me, frets, fumes, blames, and do all possible wordy war and feel helpless for not being able to do anything apart from that, and the other, isn't bothered of where all this heads to.. So whom to blame ? whom to point out ? I raise one finger and the world points out that other fingers are pointing to me..When in years, brilliant minds stand helpless(while some fuels), what can a brainless(in this regard) like me do ? Secondly, coming on to personal phase. Well, honestly, I was into this phase, sometimes back, contemplating on few issues, about few relations, some decisions, etc etc. Its true, when you need silence, thousand questions would storm your brain, damaging the little confidence we are fighting to regain. And times when talking to friend, or any other diversion doesn't work out, things look hell. People say(read optimists) all this are part and parcel of life, everyone goes through this,blah blah,and you have no choice but to accept that some things are meant to be so. Question it, lament it, feel helpless, struggle, do whatever, at the end of the day, you have no choice but to swallow the bitter pill, which toughens your system. i read somewhere recently, that you are what you create. Its just half truth, the other side of the coin is, your painted some shades by outside world,sometimes without your knowledge, sometimes helplessly knowing about it. Too very long, but heartfelt words ... Would like to know your opinion :)By Ms.Nobody on Stray Thoughts on 9/8/11

RESTLESS said...

Dear MsNobody,

thanks for the time u gave to the post.

I understand ur frustration. I think, we as citizens have reached our breaking point.

hmm, reading about what u wrote about personal state and the last lines, I would say, yes and no. Yes, becoz the world around has a perception about us, and often that image affects us, we want to tow that line.

No, because, there is more to it.  many layers of our personality are unknown to the world and at times unknown to ourselves. So, we have tremendous potential in us, which can not be diluted by what the world has to say about us.

hope, this is what u meant to say.

RESTLESS said...

I think most of the Delhites are nervous about how to lead a normal life on the streets, in the mall or public transport. Ur mom's worry is not unfounded... tk cr Prateek

RESTLESS said...

Dear Prathama,

Thanks for giving so much time to this blog, reading two posts (both, coincidentally talk about my mental state!) 

I can relate to it when u say ur mood depends on seasons! I too get very very gloomy in winters and become better when its less cold! strange! 

Read ur post dear.  That's so sweet of u! (as u wrote a post thanking the women bloggers)

tc ( cudn't help smiling !)

RESTLESS said...

Varsha,  Nice to read ur wise words dear.

BookWorm said...

Hi... Welcome back.. and good to see a proper posting here.. after a little long duration.. anyhow.. pretty well brought out.. what you wanted to convey.. but my thoughts are not much it..

i think, though, moments of self-introspection got through such phases of loneliness and quiet is okay.. to have it is not a good idea... well. we may have the time an dspace to ask ourselves the questions about ourselves and our choices, it does leave us in a bit of a unique situation.. it leaves us a lot more gloomy...and we start regretting out decisons...

as far as i am concerned, talking to your best friends, and people who you trust helps.. i believe, no problem is unique to you.. others have experienced it too.. and by talking it out, you will be able to know how they dealt with it.. and here comes the role of books.. books are written by eminent people and who bettercan offer you solution than these brilliant men and women...? but i wouldnt agree wiht you when you say.. that such moments tht you spend reqding a book is nothing but spending time with your loneliness and going quiet.  it is not..

having said that.. there is nothin gwrong in self-introspection and as u said 'unlearnign' a few things.. may be.. even take the clock back.. if it is possible.. thus, it is always better if you hear what your heart says when ever you are confronted with difficult choices.. there are no good choices or bad choices.. only what is proving good for you or otherswise.. and invaribaly, those taken from  the heart take you toa better position that those taken from the mind... 

Jack said...

Restless,

Read 2 posts now. Your absence did cause concern but as you had said few times that you were busy in your other pressing commitments, so I waited for a good post sharing some knowledge. Now on reading this, I feel that we all go through such phases in life at some point of time or the other. I have also been little lethargic in visiting but made efforts. Why do we write, is something which differs from person to person. Some may like to vent out their suppressed feelings, some may like the world to know how happy they are feeling, some may treat it as personal diary to put down how they feel with each happening and some may like to share their experiences to let others know pitfalls in life. There can be more reasons. However one should not stop writing as that is betrayal to your committed readers. One may write under actual name or pen name, it does not matter but continue writing one must. May not be everyday but often enough.

Take care 

Gayatri said...

your 155th follower. picking a post title is the toughest part for me!

RESTLESS said...

Welcome to this blog Gayatri!

RESTLESS said...

Thanks BookWorm... thanks  a lot for such a detailed comment and reciprocation...

RESTLESS said...

Thanks  uncle Jack for your concern.  I was indeed very busy and now a little off, so cudn't read ur blog too.  Although once i thought of just leaving a hello note on ur blog... hope u r doing fine.

regards

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