Hi! I Am Restless, And You?

Many a times, many a co-bloggers have asked me that why did I name myself as RESTLESS MIND?  I really didn't know what to tell them.. Of course, there had been a restlessness in my soul all these years... a strange feeling which always troubled me.... I could never feel settled.... or content.... whatever I did. 

There was one distinct feature... one distinct thought which kept disturbing me.... intriguing me for last 10-12 years.  There was this one question, which of course many a people have tried to understand and answer in their own way, that was about my self... as to Who Am I, and Why Am I here? What I am here for? What is the purpose of being here, in this life, on this Earth?  It kept pestering me.... whatever I did... I would begin to think about the larger picture of life.

I always felt, I am just a tiny speck in the huge universe. I'm born in a family, a country, am doing things which I don't understand why I'm doing... yet I will living a mundane life (and this thought was truely painful for me)... I'll be living like this without knowing the main aim of my being here. It was a disgusting feeling. and one day I will die... again there will be traditions and customs followed.... people will gather, say prayers (or whatever!) and that would be the end of the story, end of the mystery called life, my life, I mean.  All this was disturbing... no... not the death part... but the aimless wander part.

And then, I used to look around  and see how do people live. What is their philosophy of life? How are they living.... meaning, how are they explaining to themselves why they are living.  The one thing which struck me and I found very similar in most of the people was they said, they are living for their children.  I would get quite amused (and upset too) knowing this.  How can the aim of one human being be only and only to take care of his or her off spring?  Is it all we are supposed to do? 

It all started years back, when I was 25 and someone asked me this point blank question - "Who are you, and why are you here?"  I still remember that day, when I stood still.... and blank...looking into his eyes. I had no answer.  I still have no answer.  But definitely, that question stirred up a storm in head.... as I was always wondering what am I doing in this set up of this society of this country, which is only a boundary created on the face of the planet by a few men.

My restlesssness was visible in my poetry....I could never understand it though.  I wrote this Hindi poem, titled Phirkiyan (spinning tops) 2-3 years back, as if summing up the business of life, questioning the existence of myself.  This poem depicts human beings as spinning tops, which swirl endlessly, spinning around demarcating boundaries for self, for respective families, then socieities and then countries.  If you are interested in Hindi Poetry, then here it is - Phirkian.

Meanwhile, just very recently, I happened to read this little article by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar titled "Are You Restless?" (and you can imagine, how I would have jumped from my bed reading it!!)  It was a eye opener.  It explained what are the types of restless states and which one is the best.

All these years, this restlessness of my soul had troubled me, but after reading what was written, I somehow feel better now.... I have placed that article as a separate post, as it's so complete without my blabbering about myself! Please have look at this one - Are You Restless?

A final word, no way am I saying that I am so much into sprirituality.... in fact far from it.... far from religion too.... never followed the way my mother wanted me to do Pooja! Never was that religious good girl, as I was supposed to be.  The policy I follow is that I should not hurt or harm anyone. Humanity only is my religion. 

Meanwhile, I am learning to reap the fruits of being a restless soul!

Dear reader, do let me know what did you think what you wrote... do you also feel this way... sometimes? Do write to me.


RESTLESS !
PS: Pic coutesy  www.jahroc.com.au/DavidGiles