Its going to be two months since I started blogging. When I began I was alone, all alone, quiet, very quiet. But inside of me there was a turmoil, a storm, a stream of questions troubling me all the time. I was disoriented, middle age crisis?! ( now I wonder). I was obviously unhappy, with myself, with my situation, basically myself. Looking for an anchor in life to hold on to. I was slipping deep, I was slipping deep into depression. The nothingness, this loneliness was killing me silently. No, don't get those ideas, I have a lovely family, a good job, a comfortable lifestyle. God has been kind, He made me suffer, work and wait, before He gave me the material comforts that I wanted for a normal (middle class) life.
So, in my unhappiness, I applied for a distance learning course, (I have to appear for the Entrance Exam also). Then began to read some books. I read Caulo Paulo's Veronika Decides to Die (title was really appealing to me!) and the Alchemist, I loved the books. Then the third book was and is Eat, Pray Love by Elizabeth Girlbert. You must be knowing there is a movie coming up featuring Julia Roberts. This book brought out a change in me!
The author, known as Liz by her friends, and now by me too, was depressed, very very depressed. Ah, she was much more depressed than me! A divorce, no children, and then a breakup.... ah serious heart ache..... Liz was crying, she was crying in the middle of the night, sitting in the bathroom like mad. Suddenly, I could relate to her, I too was depressed!
But then she decides to go on a tour, all alone to Italy, then India and then to Indonesia. She travelled, she ate, she prayed, and now she is in love in Bali! (presently I have finished the book till here)
Anyways, I started feeling better after reading her, seeing her so depressed. (So next time You are depressed, find another person who is more depressed than you, and you will feel better!) I made friends with her actually! When she stayed in Ashram in India, she became very spiritual, she learned to meditate (I already know it wow!), she introspected about her failed marriage and her failed relationship. She learnt to forgive her ex-husband. She transformed as a human being, I mean she felt a change of heart.
I would read the book, in the morning before going to work, and at night before I slept, sometimes early morning. One night I even dreamt about my life, on the lines of the story. I knew I was living the book. Her simple style of writing and understandable words ( I never used a dictionary for a single word) inspired something in me. I wanted to express like her, I wanted to write about the small and the big things around me, about the things I learn, about the things I love and hate, just like her. Something in me kept on churning, my mind was on fire. I already knew about blogging, it was not new for me. One day I decided I want to write my blog.
And that was 25 June 2010, when I wrote my first post. I was all alone, no friends here, no one knew RESTLESS existed, in fact she was just born, there were no joyful words welcoming her arrival (that was just a joke OK!). Then I wrote a post saying that I am a self talker, as there were no readers at that time. I had decided none of my friends or known people to be here, so that I can speak my heart and mind out without the consciousness of they being around or their watchful and curious eyes weighing my words and reading between my lines (our own people can be so judgemental sometimes, what do you say?).
But today, Now , I am a happy, mentally and physically occupied person. Feel elated because I have a medium to reach out to other people and share my thoughts with them. I am so grateful, I have a blog, Internet, a PC (or may be in the reverse order!), I am so thankful, I have made friends with so many blogger pals Purba, Divz, Addy, Varsha, Restless Souldier, Desi Girl, Vee, Sharbouri and many more with whom I interact through commenting and on forums. There are many many more bloggers with whose blog I like, and I interact frequently, they are becoming my friends slowly.
It changed my life completely. Its unbelievable for me. I am a happier person, though the challenges of life don't leave you, but somewhere I know I have a little world of my own, where I can write about My World My Perception.
Thanks to all my readers and my followers and the ones I follow for their support, their patience to read my rather long posts and giving their time to me to write those valuable and sometimes very lovable comments.
A Restless Heart With
A Sensitive Mind !!!
August 12, 2010