Gone With The Wind

I was fortunate yesterday to grab some time for myself, and managed to watch the movie "Gone With the Wind".

Gone With The Wind is an American historical epic movie based on a novel of Margaret Mitchell's novel of the same name.  The film received 10 Academy Awards.

The movie was long- 3 hrs 44 minutes.  If I knew it initially, i would have been a little discouraged to watch it seeing what little time we women have at home for ourselves.  But, it was good that I didn't know! So I had to see it till the end and I slept late watching it.

The movie was great, needless to say.  It also figures amongst the 50 best romantic movies of all times. I am glad, I watched it. 

There was one thing, which struck me by the end of the movie, which speaks a lot about how our minds work, how relationships work.

Briefly, there is a love triangle in the movie which lasts for a lifetime.  A guy(lets call him the hero) is awed by this vivacious and spirited girl.  He also knows and acknowledges that she is pretty selfish, shrewd, clever and a little money minded.  He likes the girl's never say die attitude.  He admits to the girl at one point that since he himself is so selfish and shrewd, may be that's the reason why he loves her.  But the girl doesn't pay much heed to him... as she is already in love with a guy. But somehow, our hero persuades the girl to marry him, although he is aware about her basic nature, her love for another guy and has a feeling that the girl only loves his money and not him.

The point which struck me is that often we hate a person for the things, or traits, or habits or behaviour for which we had loved them at some point.  The guy knew very well about her free spirit, her ambitiousness, her courage, her charm which she often used to her advantage, her uninhibited display of her attraction towards the other guy .  But he goes ahead to marry this enigma.... only to be hating her for what she was later in his life.  And finally, he abandons her.

Have you ever felt so? Ever experienced that in your relationships?  Have you ever disliked the same thing you liked sometime in your loved one?  Share that with me. Personally, I have experienced it a number of times, and had wondered why?  The depiction of the characters in the movie brought out the thought again.  From "What a woman!" to "I don't give a damn to how you live now on" is a painful journey, which unravels the complexity of human minds.

If this thought struck a chord somewhere in your mind... do write to me.

RESTLESS

Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster - Movie Talk

Just when I started to believe that "Adult only" movie means abuses or crass language hurled in abundance in desi flavours of dilli, UP, Bihar, Mumbai ; Just when I thought "Adult only" means gore, bloodshed and violence, this movie surprised me as by the end of the movie I knew why this movie was rated only for adult viewers!  For the good old reason ie., having plenty of intimate scenes, the movie Saheb Biwi aur Gangster is rated only for "Adults". And thankfully its not Imran Hashmi doing the honours!

Talking about the title of the movie, I must admit that it is very unimaginative. It immediately reminds you of Saheb Biwi aur Gulam.  But the title does one favour on the movie! It actually lowered my expectation, but the movie came out to be a bomb!

 Just when you thought that 'Gangster' only means underworld and mafia with lots of guns (or katta) and no remorse, this movie surprises you with the gangster with a difference!

For a change, this movie is not a No Brainer!  Each and every character has been chiseled out well.  Each and every part of the story is well connected and does not disappoint you.  Nothing happens out of the blue, typical of Hindi movies; everything had a background and a reason, even how the gangster became a gangster is explained. 



Jimi Shergill showed the royal grace



Jimi Shergill as Saheb is suave, looks sophisticated and very hot.  He possesses that princely  grace which is required for his character.  Be it his attire (just loved his dressing style) or his body language, he stands out.  Mahie Gill made her mark in the movie.  She was admirable throughout the movie. Randeep Hooda acted well, but a more stunning guy with some X factor could have added more zing.  Deepal Shaw had a small role, and was a patakha, as far as her performance is concerned.

The intimate scenes were shot aesthetically. The subtle difference between the love making of two seasoned lovers and two people burning with the fire of body was portrayed beautifully. Hats off for that.

Jimi Shergill - intense and promising actor

The story takes twists and turns.  You can't manage to bat your eyelid for more than a fraction of a second or you will miss it!  All in all a very intelligent masala movie.

I don't like to write the story of the movie I watch, but definitely discuss about the questions it raised in my mind.

First, that when the chips of a man are down, he can not handle his woman or women well.    Women bear the brunt of being the wife or co-inhabiting a man who has lost the game of life, a man who is unsuccessful in his professional life.  Be it the alcoholic and slightly mentally disturbed wife of the Jimi Shergill or his mistress, whom he got killed barbarically by his wild canine that too after making love with her.

Second very striking aspect of human mind experienced in the movie was that when on one hand a woman tends to give all in love, a man always thinks of some gain out of the woman.  A woman who has surrendered herself cannot do more than that for his man, but for a man it's the beginning of garnering more and more material gains from her or through her.  Reminds me of typical Indian marriage system, where even today a girl is regarded as a passage to her father's wealth.

Randeep Hooda (lacks X factor) Mahie Gill was fabulous

Third, is about adultery, the taboo for Indian society (or is it not?).  The writing on the wall is that when a man strays it's because of his wife and when a woman strays, it's because of her character or rather lack of it.  And, in the adulterous relationship, it is the woman who is more responsible for everything, and it is the woman who has to and must bear the brunt of social stigma.  And, it's macho for the man. 

Fourth, Love in the times of MMS. When the love deprived 'biwi' Mahie Gill chooses to befriend her young driver Randeep Hooda (who is in the royal family for a purpose), the guy makes sure to make a video clip and sends it to the husband at the climax of the movie.  I was wondering why would a lover or an ex lover or a jilted lover do that?

Because he knows that even if Indian law holds only the man responsible for adultery, but in the social norms, it's the fault of the woman only.  (Indian Penal Code, Section 497 provides : “Whoever has sexual intercourse with a person who is and whom he known or has reason to believe to be the wife of another man, without the consent or connivance of that man, such sexual intercourse not amounting to the offence of rape, is guilty of the offence of adultery, and shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to five years or with fine, or with both. In such a case the wife shall not be punishable as an abettor.)

Whatever the law says, but in the male dominated society like ours every man knows that pretty well, that the husband will spare the guy in question but will batter the wife to death for this, or else the social stigma will kill her everyday.

  

It's a must watch movie for mature as well as young people. It's got something for every age group. Above all, you feel proud that a bollywood masala movie can leave you awed!

Enjoy! and A Very Happy, Prosperous and Peaceful Diwali to all of you!

RESTLESS

Pati Patni Aur Tu!

Generally speaking, there is one striking similarity in the urban and the rural couples, of at least North India. The men address their wives as 'tu' (thou). 

Although English language generalizes the way we address all and sundry as 'you', it is the Hindi language which having got influenced by the Mughal dynasties and the Lucknowi andaaz holds three ways of addressing people depending on their age, status, intimacy and respectability as aap, tum and tu.

It's interesting to note that Ghalib wrote, "Teri mehfil mein aakar bade beaabroo hue/ Aap se tum aur tum se tu hue" (I humiliated myself in your company/ From aap, i became tum, and finally tu).

In this post, instead of generalizing the usage of the three words in the different relationships in society, i would like to stick to only couples - married or in a relationship.

In the beginning of a relationship, the men and the women stick to some kind of formal conversations.... some small talk.... trying to strike a conversation and mostly address each other as 'aap'.  As and if the closeness increases, 'aap' changes to 'tum' and  with time or with the feeling of permanency of the partner, it becomes 'tu'.  If the culmination of the relationship is marriage (which is not a reality now a days) the 'tu' is irreversible from the husband's side and the girlfriend turned wife has to mend her ways to shift back to 'aap'. 

The need to address the husband as 'aap' arises more because Indian wife won't use the first name of the husband.  Girls, at least till one decade back, would absolutely refrain from uttering their husband's name, even to call them.  Women would shyly or commandingly call out as 'suno', 'suniye' or the Bollywood auntiji and mummyji style 'maine kaha ji' or (worse!!) 'munnu ke papa' ie., referring to their young one!

There is a great great shift in the way girls are handling their hubbys now.  Most of my friends call out their husband's first name while talking to or referring to them. (Reminds me of a life insurance Advertisement where the young lady enters the home shouting (yeah literally shouting) "Sanjoo" many a times. First time i thought she was calling her pet dog! psst!). 'Eey ji , O ji, sunte ho ji, has been shooed out of the home (and the bedroom ) by ' honey' , 'sweet heart' and 'baby' (huff! that's a relief!!)

Talking about the men addressing their wives, the only person who comes to my mind is the old Hindi movie actor Om Prakash, who was always seen calling his on-screen wife as "Aree bhagyawaan, sunti ho?!" I think, all of us, in North India, have seen our parents sparingly using each other's names, except when they had to fill up some form!

Today, I find it very refreshing when I hear a man say the name of his wife while referring to something like "Ritu loves prawns... so taking some for her".  For me, addressing your partner by his or her name is like marrying the person and not the whole family. Girls were discouraged to use the husband's first name, as that would decrease the respect... and also the mother in law would feel that the girl is trying to overpower her son. Some such thoughts were behind the practice. Thankfully, the young couples are leaving them behind and cherishing togetherness and oneness like never before.

But, it's just 'tu' which hasn't changed in all these years.  I am not talking about a particular caste, or region, or less educated people, or not so well off people.  It's a trend just anywhere. Some use is all the time, and others would speak like that in anger, but a wife remains a 'tu'.

I asked a few men, as to why they can not address their wives as 'aap' or at least 'tum' when the women are respectful enough to them? Believe me, the question surprised them!! They were just not prepared for the question, so hard wired they were about the usage.

Someone said, 'tu' means we are close to each other. Someone said, we are like friends... don't friends address each other as 'tu'? Another MCP kind of man replied "so? should i address her as 'aap'? ye devi hai? pooja karoon iski?" (Is she some goddess? should i worship her as well?)

The answers spoke for themselves.

Although, there were exceptions, but they were few. But I was truly glad to hear from a friend how he always addressed his wife as 'aap', and the reason given was "if she respects me, why shouldn't I?"

Another exception is the young couple, who had a love marriage and were used to calling each other as 'tu' for a long time, and had to somehow give up using 'tu' in front of parents, (i am talking about the girl only)

Why am i so averse of the word 'tu' to be used for one's partner?

Ever heard a man speaking to the house maid as "toone kamra saaf kyu nahi kiya?" (why did thou not clean the room) and in the same breath saying "too jaldi se (shopping) list bana ke de" (thou make the shopping list) to his wife?

Interestingly, some time back, an Urdu teacher in Lahore divorced his young wife when she inadvertently called him "tum" instead of "aap"!

'Tu' is a strange word in our society, and here I'm talking about Delhi culture. When you want to show your superiority, say in front of a labourer or a rickshaw walla or a domestic maid - 'tu' is used maximum. When you want to show comradeship or bhaipanti, u say 'tu'.  When addressing God, some people out of closeness say 'tu' to God.  Elders used to address children as 'tu', which has changed now in educated households.

So, people use 'tu' either when they stand on equal footing (close friends) and unequal footing ( master - servant or God - human).  Unfortunately, marriage in India does not make women stand on an equal footing (proved further by the fact that women cannot address husband as 'tu') and women today are not ready for the unequal grounds in marriage.  The conflict that arises is of this sort.  It starts from language and goes much deeper and much widespread when it comes to equality in married couples.

Respect, like Love, needs to be reciprocated in committed relationships and men must avoid giving those funny logic of being close and intimate and therefore, they call out their wives as 'tu' even in public.  In fact, when a man says we are close (in this context) he almost means 'seen that been there and bored'. 

What do you think about it? Has 'tu' ever irked you the way it does to me? Do you find 'tu' normal? Have you ever told your husband how you feel being addressed as 'tu' or 'toone' or 'tujhe' in public?

Let me know



RESTLESS

Karva Chauth - A Modern View On The Ancient Ritual

As I sit facing my PC, my henaed fingers are striking on the key board making my pink coloured glass bangles jingle sweetly.  My pink chiffon saree with floral embroidery, slides off my left arm, as I loosen the strap of my high heeled sandals to concentrate on this post of mine. It is Karva Chauth, the festival hugely glamorised and popularized by Bollywood.  So I am in my traditional best, sharing the customs and rituals associated with it.

I don't hesitate to say that I am, well ehmm (!!), a modern woman who can handle stilletoes and cotton sarees with equal elan.  I, like many of the women internet users here, would read the historial background of this immensly popular fast kept for the well being of one's husband on internet, in English and will be equally attentive while the neighbourhood auntiji will narrate the Vrat Katha during the pooja in the evening, when all the married women of the locality dressed up in bright colours and jewellery would sit in a circle and sing a traditional song rotating the Thalis (plates) containing sweets and fruits for their mother-in-law (MIL).

Also, I don't mind saying that even this occasion will not go without my scurtinizing it nice and proper!  I am traditional enough to dress up and fast the whole day for the long life of my husband but I am very much a woman of this age who would mould the rituals as per her liking and convenience (without affecting the very spirit of the occasion). (Like I skipped the parantha and had bread in sergi)

And above all, I am non-conformist enough to question the very faith, the very mythological tale behind the ritual of this fasting. And later in the post, I want to question why does the Indian husband not fast for his wife?

But, first let me give you a bit of the background.

The fast of Karva Chauth is observed by married women and sometimes by unmarried girls for praying for getting a good groom!

States of India observing this tradition are Delhi, UP, Rajasthan, Gujrat, Himachal Pradesh etc.  Although in different states of India, this kind of fasting exists with various names like - Teej, Vat Savitri Puja, Mahashivaratri, Gangaur Pooja, Varalakshmi Vratham etc.

The rituals of Karva Chauth - Women fast from dawn to dusk without food or water.  Before sunrise, women bathe and dress up (do shringar) and have food, sweets, fruits given by the mother-in-law (it's called Sergi).  In the evening, it's community pooja for many people, and many perform the pooja at home.  But the community ritual is more prominent where, women sit in a circle and rotate the thalis seven times, singing the vrat song.  One elderly woman would sit in the middle of the circle, with some pooja material and a doll  made from dough, and will narrate the story to the women.  Afterwards, after seeing the moon and one's husband (Pati Parmeshwar!), the women would break their fast. (And, this I need not elaborate upon, as this has been shown in the movies so many times!  It's so mushy mushy and romantic na?!)

The idiosyncracies - Mehandi (Hena), glass bangles, jewellery, and bright coloured sarees are a kind of a must for this festival.  Women should not touch a knife or scissors or needles throughout the day.

How it could have started?  Karva Chauth could have started when men would go out fight in battles or work in different place for long and women would worry and pray for their well being.

The Story behind the fasting is a little unclear.  I have heard different narrations of the tale.  So, things are not so fixed that way.  But only thing is common that it was the two mistakes of the woman Veeravati which makes her loose her husband twice - once to death and the second time to another woman, the maid servant!  So, the story is a way to teach women a moral lesson of virtue and tolerance.

The story in brief, this girl Veeravati (veera) goes to her parent's place on her first Karva Chauth (so, if she was also observing this fast, then this tale can't be the origin of the ritual).  Her loving brothers light some fire and show the glow in the sky, saying that it was moon, so that she could break the fast and eat something.  They did it out of affection for their younger sister.  But, because Veeravati breaks the fast, her husband dies. (So, the fear factor put in the fast)

He not just dies, but has hundreds of needs pierced in his body (was he some Bhishma Pitamah?!) The poor girl prays to Shiva and Parvati and goes on taking those needles till it is next Karva Chauth (she kept a corpse at home for one year). But as the last needle is left on her husband's body (who is a king too), she goes to buy Karva (a earthern little pot) for her fast.  And the clever (or was she helping) maid pulls out the last needle.

The king regains conciousness and takes the maid as his wife (he had some memory loss too it seems!).  The poor Veeravati waits and fasts, with a lot of tolerance.

Once, when the king was going out, he asks his wife and maid, what do they want?  The wife (actually the maid) asks for jewellery and the maid (actually the wife) asks for a doll.  Veeravati keeps saying this story of changed roles to the doll (Rani became Goli, Goli became Rani, goli probably was the name of the maid).  When the curious king asks about it, Veera tells the truth.  Now the king realises his mistake (Oh,now!) and accepts Veera as her queen.

Religion and Fear -  If we really see that religion or rather religious practices have been as such which have put physiologial and emotional pressure on women to follow them.  Somewhere women have been given a lower berth.  Women, wanting a good husband would fast, wanting the welfare of husband or children would fast, chant mantras, pray, visit temples.  Women somewhere have been idolized as someone capable of these divine practices or sacrifices,  while men kept themselves away from him humdrum.  I have heard about men performing Yagnas or poojas only as a profession or familial occupation ie., priests or pujaris.

Fasting in Today's context -



In the current context, when rituals, customs, even true spirits of festivals have got subdued or diminished, and when only some symbolic gestures are left, which our generation doesn't even understand or does it just for fun.  How come then, such a rigorous fasting ritual has sustained the test of time, this surprises me!  In fact, it does not.  Our movies have definitely added a certain glamour to it and we should not forget that there is a number of retailing and service sector associated with women, which benefit from this custom. These could have been the factors for making this a popular ritual.

Karva Cchauth is the time for shopping for self and mother-in-law. Gifts include heavy sarees, gold and diamond jewellery.  Then women want their matching sandals, jewellery, glass bangles, bindis, cosmetics, hair accessories and flowers to dress up.  Also, this is a booming time for beauty parlours as they offer special "Karva Chauth packages"!  Skin clinics for hair reduction, skin upliftment, wrinkle corrector shots, specialised facials are the service areas which florish during this festive time.

And if you are not aware of the price tag, let me tell you that the humble Mehandi on both hands costs Rs 800/- on a day before KC, in prominent markets.

Physiological effect - Imagine, a woman on fast cooks for the whole family, feeds them but remains hungry herself.  But, the husband gets some spiritual high of being born a male! When women are working as hard as the men are, then does this ancient ritual, dating back to the time when women were not working outside, needs a relook and some updation with changing times? 

Is there something religious left in it? I doubt.  sometimes love :) but mostly expectation from family or fear of some bad consequence makes women stick to the fasting, only to be left comparing and counting the gold bangles worn by other women are wearing during the pooja!  For the wealthy, it's a show off time also.

The Metrosexual Man still likes to be treated as a semi God - The aarti utarna and touching feet of husband gesture makes me feel disgusted.  How can a man be some kind of God? Or was it something to do with respect? Men being much elder than their wives? Do women really need to treat their men like Parmeshwar, even now?? It defies logic! I feel disgusted by such acts.  But women do it, take the ashirwad (blessings) of their husbands, standing on the roofs, roadsides, parks, surrounded by people! And husband also obliges! hufffff!

I thought love needed reciprocation ?!  If it's about love, why there is no reciprocation? And, by the way, buying jewellery is no reciprocation.  Does it belittle a man's social standing if he admits that he too fasts for his wife??  Does he make himself a butt of ridicule in front of his mother first and then his family and friends by showing his love for his wife?  Why do Indian men don't fast for their wives? Is it not the reflection of a society where they say that it's difficult for a woman to live without a man - be it father, or brother or husband or son? And a man remarries within a few months of his wife's death?

I know what I have written will elicit anger from the men readers or even some women.  They may feel that if this is what this blogger woman feels, then why does she not leave the fasting ritual? Why she has to follow it?  I would say that you think about it with a complete joint family society set up of our's before shooting back.

But I would definitely like to know your views about this.  Tell me how do you feel about it? Especially the feet touching thingy?! And your views about why men don't fast?

RESTLESS

Pic courtesy - www.infonary.com and o3.indiatimes.com