How Do You Welcome The New Year?

I, along with all of you, have reached the last day of the year 2010.  At each year end, I'm reminded that just after another month, I will be celebrating my birthday.  My birthday still thrills me, as it used to when I was little girl.  I still smile ear to ear thinking about the day and how I would be celebrating it and what the people close to me would be gifting me. I still smile and my eyes still shine thinking about it!  Although, now I'm thinking of using an under eye cream to scare away those would-be wrinkles (did I say would be?!!)

Jokes apart, but, really this year is coming to an end. I'm trying to sum it up.  Remembering what I was doing the last year at this time. What all happened this year in personal and professional life.  I see some clear cut phases, devoid of the flow of time, the measurement of time.  There were phases of joys and sadness, like a cycle which went on.  Probably, now I'm used to it. Probably, now, at 35 I've learnt to see every problem as a situation. and every situation as an opportunity to learn and to grow.

I always wanted to say this, and today I'm saying it, but ironically,  to the people who don't know me as a person.  I'm thankful to all the difficult situations I've faced, because it is that testing and trying times, it's that difficulties of life and people related to my life which made me stronger, which made me sensitive and humane. (I say stronger and I say sensitive, in the same breath.  Yes, you can be strong along with being sensitive, only if you know how to manage your sensitivities, which can be quite a pain!!)

I thank all of them who hurt me.  If not for you, I would never have been able to question the meaning of life and would never have thought about searching for it.... my search is still on..... but am glad, that hardships pushed me to this level.... the level of being eternally RESTLESS.

Meanwhile, everybody is talking about taking a resolution for the new year.  I ask myself, do I have a resolution for the new year? Nah! , comes the reply.  Why wait for the close of an year to decide something about yourself.  Each day, each new day, we human beings are capable of making amends in ourselves, capable of learning and capable of unlearning.  So, I don't think, I need to take any resolve today. 

The only thing I can do is to reaffirm to myself that it's fine being myself and that my thoughts decide what I am, (ie., we are what we think).  So, I reaffirm to myself that I keep my thoughts pure and that I never intend to hurt or harm anyone.....

Having said that, let me tell you dear reader, a majority of which are the youngsters that Restless is not just about musing and pondering over things, Restless has got restless feet too!! I will be partying all night with close family friends and would be having a blast at the dance floor too!! But, that is just a part of the celebration, not THE celebration for me.  If I had not expressed myself and my heart felt thoughts at this juncture and to this wide array of reader and blogger pals, I would have felt "frivolous", would have felt incomplete..... So, I sign off now.... you too get ready for the celebration!

Have a beautiful and blissful times ahead....

Have a Happy New Year 2011

With love

RESTLESS

I'm Back!

It was quite a long break, I guess.  Suddenly, I am fumbling for words.  Not that I have nothing to say, but suddenly I don't know where to begin with.  My blog is really my sweet heart!

On the wings of the silver bird, I'm coming home to you!

When I was away from it, I was always thinking about it (read thinking about what to write in my next posts!).  You just won't believe it, that while I was studying for my exams, reading the chapters of Sociology (yeah, I want to be a student all my life), I was relating things to blogging, all the time! 

In one of chapters of Sociology, the structure and functionality of society is explained and understood through various ways, means and types of communication patterns people have set with each other.  It classified communication as subjective, objective, manipulative etc (not the exact terms, I am using) but believe me, while reading all that I was thinking about you - ie., all my co-bloggers and their blogs!! 

How, many of us write, sharing experiences and thoughts (Jack, you know that!) and some write very objectively. Of course, there would be many who write as if giving an impression of something, as if highlighting some aspect of their personality which would be liked by all.  (No, dear, am not pin-pointing on anyone here!) But surely, I found some connection of Sociology with Blogging.  And yes, why not, because blogging is again communication, with the whole world - known and unknown people around us, who write back to us through comments, who connect with us by empathizing with us, who laugh at our jokes, who share stories of their lives.  When we thought, we were alone feeling bad about things around us, we just had to write something, and we had so many people around us to tell - "they felt the same".  And we were not lonely anymore.

We agree and nod when there are things which affect all of us, as a society.  We disagree and argue, sometimes, bitterly to prove our points.  At times, we get in touch with a friend, by dropping into his or her blog, only to write some sweet nothings.  We know it! We do it at times!

Because ultimately, blogosphere is a social circle, it's a social network (suddenly these two words have a different meaning to us, first after the rampant use by all and sundry of Facebook, twitter etc and secondly because of the movie of the same name).  But, what I meant, when I said Blogosphere is a social network, is that it's a society again, it's a bonsai society.  You will disagree, may be.  True, that more and more people are getting connected through Internet now, even Govt organisations are waking up to it, and this circle is increasing day by day.  But, let's not forget that this is just the urban story.  Education is yet to reach the corners of our country.  So, I would say, it's a Bonsai Society, a little sample of real society.

Don't you see those patterns of blogging? Following, reciprocating comments, building a blog, an image of the blog and ,of course, writing and communicating how YOU would like people to see you.  We wear masks here too.  Well, many a times, we have to and many a times, we can avoid it and be real.  This reminds of another term used in the course book "Impression Management", yes, it was again a theory understanding the social behaviour, yes, it does cross paths with psychology, may be that's why it interested me so much. 

So, now you know, my blog and my co-bloggers were never out of my mind all this time!  I was thinking about it all the time!

But, let me say this naughty thing to you, that the way you feel when you meet your sweetheart after a long time, I was feeling the same for my blog, I was just, so....hmmm.... shy to speak! (Read, so blank to write a post!)  that I kept thinking what to write for last 3-4 days, when I got free from the work, for which I took  the blogging break.

Hey, does that happen with you too?! When you gave blogging a break for sometime, did you feel how I was feeling last few days, thinking what to write??

Or else,

You may read the question like this too, that, "do you also feel so shy and speechless meeting your sweetheart after a long time?"!!! ( am just kidding!)

Do write to me....

And yes, I missed you all so much... will be visiting my blogger pals blogs soon...

Take care

RESTLESS :)

PS: By the way, I'll be writing about why am I RESTLESS, in my next post!

Blogging and my life!

Hello dear Blogger Pals and readers!

My life is really hectic these days due to many factors altogether. Since,  I believe in giving my best to whatever I do, I'd be taking a little break for a week or so from blogging.  

Bloom like a flower!

Although, I miss my blog like the way you miss your sweetheart!! I keep checking comments once or twice a day and try to reply to them too ( it's like checking your mobile for his/her sms!!).  My blog is a great place for me to live in it because you all are there! Be there, dear readers and fellow bloggers :)

 I am also not able to read my fellow bloggers blog posts due to my preoccupations and I am missing reading and commenting on their posts!  But will definitely be back in a few days!

Till then, take care and have a great time!

Delhi is getting really really cold now, my blogger pals from Delhi and other Northern States of India, do take care!

with love,

RESTLESS :)

Turning Towards Life Through Death

I wrote this article some time back, when the Blue Line Bus Service was very frequent on the Delhi roads, which due to negligent driving had caused many a deaths and hence is being phased out compleltely from Delhi roads.  Dear reader, sharing this experience with you, which had a deep impact on me.

It was a usual morning for me. I grabbed my sandwich to nibble on the way to work, as I drove my car.  There was usual traffic on Delhi roads. I drove out of my colony to merge with the endless traffic on the main road. I began to drive in the middle lane.  I adjusted my rear view mirror and with a fleeting movement of my eye, I observed a biker with a black windcheater riding just behind me, and a Blue Line Bus behind him. (Am I driving in the bus lane or the bus is in my lane, I thought?!)  Life as usual … I picked up my sandwich to bite………and screeeeeech…….I heard a loud and thunderous sound of a bus braking suddenly.  I tilted slightly to see what happened behind me.  That bus had stopped abruptly and the biker was nowhere to see, in just two seconds time.  I was shocked; the bus had run over the biker. 

Suddenly, there was silence on the road, a road echoing with the loud horns, a few seconds back sounded deserted now. I sat there still with my eyes glued on the rear view mirror of my car, my mind showing me horrifying imaginations of death scenes. 

And, then, a miracle happened, the man with his helmet on, crawled out from the underneath of the bus.  He looked shaken but the young man soon regained his composure and moved to his right, slapped the auto driver who had pushed him in the road and moved away.

I sat there paralyzed in the middle of the road with tears flowing out of my eyes.  I had seen the terrorizing face of death so close and so sudden.

(Only after all the vehicles on the road started honking at me, did I realize that I was in tears, and blocking the way of the traffic)

Suddenly, every clutter of life sounded trivial to me, every friction, every issue in my relationships seemed petty to me, every grudge, every sulk, every grievance I had, seemed so small, so inconsequential to me.

The uncertainty of life had humbled me suddenly.  Gratitude, humility, forgiveness all quickly flowed like sparkling clear water through the dry and rough soil of my heart.

It was a life changing moment for me.  I had turned towards life through death.  I learnt to admire and cherish each moment, each day.  No, it was not the fear of death – lurking around me, and for that matter us, in different avatars, but the awareness of my being. The awareness that I am a capable human being at this point of time, capable enough to live and not just vegetate, capable enough to be happy that I decided that I will live completely, fully in each moment to come, each moment of my life.

I had turned towards life through death.

RESTLESS

PS: The post got published in Kadzilla's Lounge and my organisations magazine too.
PPS: pic coutesy :http://genna-greasley.deviantart.com

Munni Badnam-Sheela ki Jawani Chadhi Parwan

Warning : Adults Stuff, Kids stay away please

Eeeeks! I was feeling so yucky typing those words there.  Don't they sound like some C-grade movie title?  Not that I have ever seen such a movie or would like to see one, but who has not read those names on jarring posters in small towns and who has not heard about them?  I thought it made people make dirty faces listening to these crass songs.  But I was wrong.  "Sheela ki jawani" is a hit with the discotheques in Delhi!!  FM radio stations are asking Delhites what do they prefer Badnam Munni or Jawan Sheela!! Oh I am disgusted with all this.

Let me tell the readers, who do not know what I am talking about.  Bollywood is abuzz with this item dance number featuring Katrina Kaif with the name 'sheela is jawani'.  And in the recent past, it was another actress(?) Malaika Arora Khan who danced with pride on 'Munni badnaam hui, darling tere liye'.

I was not really perturbed when Malaika danced to Munni Badnam Hui - it was expected from her.  With only the item numbers in her kitty, she would have grabbed this opportunity like a hungry cat to gyrate with those uncouth looking men flirting around with his brother in law in real life, Salman Khan.  It was just expected of her.  Moreover, the setting of the place was rural and although I have never really lived in a village, but it seems nautanki (an Indian art form of drama) is still alive and nach- gaana (dance and songs)still is the source of entertainment.  So, it was digestible for me.

Now comes, this song - Sheela ki jawani, (I can't believe I am writing about all this crap). Although, I have kept myself away from such masala movies, serving a stupid old story with a tadka of jhatka and matka and the sizzler of the one man army our heroes become, but hufffff, I have to write about this one.  Katrina Kaif really did not require to do this item number, but now when she has done it, let me blurt out what I have say about this song and the dance and the costumes (were there any?!)

Here enters our (i mean, you guys') heartthrob, strategically covered in a pink satin sheet (ah, the ultimate in fantasy!) and holding it just the right way, hiding some showing some, with those guys declaring that now she is the fountain of youth - declaring that now she has become 'jawan' (young) now.  Isn't that disgusting when some one sings or even talks a thing like that?? After this Sheela gets into various avatars - take your pick boys.  Once she is in the belle dancer's costume and the next time she forgets her trousers but knows how to don that hat, and what is the role of an untied tie over there? some clue? yeah, to play some *** game girl!

I am really upset with this.  No, not because one of the top actress wants to degrade herself like this but because this song, like any other bollywood song takes the place in all the music channels, entertainment channels on TV and radio.  The song with those crass lyrics are being doled out to all and sundry.

Does someone even for a moment think about the teenagers? Teenaged boys and girls who still happen to live with their families in our country.  A sheela on the TV screen goes galloping, vibrating her body from top to bottom, screaming out loud that this delectable item is beyond your reach you boy, and we watch it as a family.  The father seems to enjoy a bit, but is visibly conscious.  The mother is shocked and still,  looking at the visuals, the son smirks at his mom, smiles a little naughtily, the daughter is embarrassed. Finally the mother snatches the remote and changes the channel.  Why are we being served such stuff on family channels and family time ie 8pm to 10 pm??

Does it not affect anybody, right from the makers of the movie, writers of the song, the actors, the people who are putting such stuff on prime time? Just nobody bothers about our children??

I am not saying Censor Board of India should be more vigilant or strict.  It must be the choice of an ADULT to decide what he or she wants to watch, or listen or read.  And it's absolutely alright to have access to material which is erotic in nature but does enrich your knowledge about the topic.  This is the land of Kamasutra.  We should not be shy about knowing the facts and the art of something which is the basic instinct of man.  It's human to be curious, even sexually.  And boys, here I am not talking about ppornography, for that in my opinion is just a way of misleading people and creating a false image about sex. I will write about it separately in a post.

Crimes against women are rampant.  Delhi is being called the crime capital.  Cases of rape, molestation are getting piled up.  It took 300 officers and men of police force to nab the 3-4 rapists, who gangraped a call centre executive at Daula Kuan area of New Delhi.  Will they get any punishment, we do not know??

What we know is that media has a role to play.  What is know is that the poor ratio of male and female population is showing it colours, it had been showing, but now we seem to realise it and accept it.  If the number of females would go less, obviously the males who are getting nobody to have an intimate relationship with, would get frustrated.  There are bound to be more crimes towards women, sexual crimes, I mean.  If you see, many a times, it is the men of adjoining states, of small towns and villages who are getting into such crimes.  The boys and men of the city are also no less. Lack of employment opportunities, and a huge population again makes things worse for them.

Are our movies justified in tempting the rickshaw pullers, street vendors kind of people (with  no disrespect to any profession) by playing such songs and dance.  Yes, I name them here because the class of society they are addressing is them only.  (Ever heard a city girl with the name 'Sheela'??  For God's sake - my great grandmother's name is Sheela!!)  There had been many vulgar songs before this, but a lead actress, who first made a place in the industry and the people's heart with her cute, innocent ways, has even done such a crass, dirty and third class song is what makes me so angry.  Money buys everything huh?!

It was madhuri dixit, who did 'choli ke peeche kya hai?' But if you see the answer negates all your dirty thoughts, when she says 'choli mein dil hai mera'. (Although it was too a very suggestive song at that time, but my kids had not grown up for me to feel so angry, I guess).  Coming back to sheela song, if you have heard the song properly, it suggests... well..... self gratification.  Wow, the great lyricists that we have, why should boys have all the fun ha? why 'apna haath jaganath' for men ha? why not pull women into it ha? It's shameful.  It's shocking how the standards of decency are going down in the art of our times.  Art is a reflection of our society.  Is our society... our youngsters too getting this crass?? I ask this to the youngsters who read this post. 

As an art form, I am not against nudity in paintings or sculpture.  As long as the beauty of human body can be portrayed in an aesthetic manner, it is beautiful.  It's the celebration of life and beauty.  But as soon as the posture changes, it becomes animalistic, raw and in bad taste.

I sincerely wish, somebody out there reads my post and understands how movies and TV are misleading our youth, titillating their senses, teasing them, making them animals.  At least leave the prime time of TV, spare our children from this unnecessary exposure to vulgarity.  Let them grow up and have their share of fun later, not in their early teens at least.

What do you feel about it as a youngster, as a teenager, as a mother or a father? How do you see the degradation of the quality of songs? Especially the elderly must be really feeling bad, and missing those golden songs.  Do let me know what you think about it.

RESTLESS

My World-My Perception at The Asia Mag!

Dear Reader,

I am truely happy to tell you that my post on Karva Chauth, Karva Chauth - A Modern View On An Ancient Ritual has been chosen by the Asia Mag ,  and has been published in their current edition. 

About The Asia Mag - theasiamag.com is a platform  that showcases good writing about Asia from the people who live in there. Its aim is to present the continent through the diverse perspectives of those from different parts of this vast continent.

Certain changes have been made in my post to make it understandable by people who are not familiar with this Hindu ritual.  The post has been titled as "For Your Well-Being, I Forego Food Today".  Here is the link to the post.  http://www.theasiamag.com/perspectives/for-your-well-being-i-forego-food-today .

Dear reader, if you find some time, do visit my post there and please give your feedback there.

It is an amazing feeling when people whom you don't even know find you and appreciate your work.  I am thankful to The Asia Mag for this.  I am also thankful to my dear readers who encourage me to write better with each passing day, by writing comments on my posts.  That really motivates me!Your feedback is like support for me. Be there!

And, the readers who do not comment, you are equally important - you clicks on my blog make my day! 

take care,

 

RESTLESS :)

Live As If You Were To Die Tomorrow - A Remembrance

26/11 is remembered by all Indians for it was day we sat with a dropped jaw in front of our TV, watching helplessly what was happening in our country, in Mumbai.  The future was uncertain, and the terror was not coming to an end, we did not know what was coming up, as we had to sleep that night, or rather two consecutive nights wondering how safe are we? How safe we think we are in the close vicinity of our house?  

It was a strange feeling on 27th evening when I returned from office, listening to FM radio, there was a sense of uncertainty and helplessness even in the tone of the radio anchor.  It was again the usual evening and same quiet dinner at home with my family, but I was feeling the weight of heavy stones on my heart.  I didn't really want my kids to know what was happening... kids are much more sensitive... so wanted to keep them unaware of the terror attack in Mumbai.

It was tough to decide to put my head on my pillow that night, because there were many who would be shaking in terror or lying in the pool of their blood, far away from their loved ones.  It was not a good thought to sleep conveniently in my bedroom, as if I was choosing ignorance.  But I did sleep, and deeply, as I was tired - may be mentally too.  Only to be woken up by the ring of my mobile phone.

I was so tired that I did not know that it was just 11 pm, and that the number flashing on my mobile phone was of my father. I was too sleepy to check the number and with shut eyes, I groggily uttered "hello".  The words that I heard rattled me..... my father spoke in a tone as if trying hard to remain calm, the words.... which still make me go numb.  He said " S (my brother-in-law)  had gone to Vaishno Devi (Shrine) with his father, he fell down, unki death ho gayi". (meaning - he died).  I still remember his words.

I felt I was made to forcefully sit on a giant wheel, which whirled and whirled in circles and then dump me hard on the ground...... I opened my eyes and I had lost the sense of direction..... I didn't know where I was.... for a few seconds..... and then I cried out to him "aap kya keh rahe ho??" (what are you saying?).  He broke down, my father - a stoic person that he is - I had never seen him express his emotions before this. I knew he could not be wrong or mistaken, surely we had lost the husband of my younger sister, S.

What followed it were diverse emotions - first denial (no, this can not happen), then acceptance.  Then I was questioning God, why did he do this? and then I grieved and grieved and cried and cried.  

About S, he was a young, energetic  guy who loved life, had so many dreams in his eyes.  He was healthy, as we understood.  He never smoked, would take a drink once in a blue moon, but did not exercise or went to gym, but was a very positive person in his attitude towards life, and I got along with him very well.  While he was walking up Vaishno Devi Shrine, which is about 13 kms walk, with his father, he had 2 or 3 heart attacks.  While he had the first attack, he understandably sweat profusely but did not realise its severity and he walked on, but the second or the third attack left him dead.

He died in the arms of his father, at a pilgrimage site which is very much respected by Hindus.  The father, i am pained to say this but was one really unlucky father, who pleaded to doctors to conduct some test, some thing, anything to see if they could revive him, but I was too late.  He had bring back his dead son by road.  My heart still goes out to Uncle, as a shattered man that he had become, he, very bravely, went on directing us what to do next.

My sister, first was shocked, but later inconsolable, she kept saying "but he had bought new sports shoes, he said, I will come back and we will begin our morning walk together, we need to streamline our life, we will begin to take care of our health and family... but he bought new sports shoes yesterday"  Something broke inside me each time I heard this.  I remembered my kid sister's face, when during our childhood,  her ice candy would fell down on the floor in summer afternoons and she would cry... so innocently.... I saw the same on her face again.  What was her fault in all this? But I did not stop her from crying. It's important to grieve.

As for me, I suddenly realised that I was the only one over there on whom everyone, everyone in the two families could have leaned on.  Suddenly I realised I was tough.  Suddenly the immediate and future course of action was in front of my eyes.  I never knew I was so strong.  I cried, but mostly I stopped my tears, collected my pain inside my chest and decided to make my sister strong again.  My sister went into a self pity.  She thought, now it's all over and she could not do anything.  She won't be able to take care of her 4 year old daughter, as the little angel was completely a daddy's girl.  She was lost, had begin to feel the pressure of the family members around her, who had begun to ask her about their bank accounts, FDs, investments etc.  It was too early for her to even think like that.  But, may be it was practical responsibilites which made them ask all that.

I had decided to visit my sister everyday till she became a bit balanced.  To my surprise, the great keepers of our society told me, I should leave her alone in her in-laws place, and let them take care of her.  Can you believe it?? Our traditions, customs are always above the sensitivity of a human being, they are mostly beyond us, and that's why I don't care for them much.   I told my mother, in no uncertain terms, that I would be visiting my sister everyday, I will dress up like her in light coloured clothes and I won't put a Bindi or any make up till I am with her, till the time she needs me.  I can not let my sister go into self pity and a deep burrow of sorrow. That was my way of showing solidarity to her, as a human being.  Of course, my mother did not like it, but I did what I had to do.

I had decided to use that pain which was churning and killing me inside.  I had decided I am going to use this pain, and this pain will take us ahead.  We settled all the documentation work in his office, financial transactions.  I am glad I could instill faith in herself as a mother.  Soon she understood that she was not helpless, her finances were sorted out and she knew she is not at the mercy of anyone.  In due course of time, we could convince her to marry again.  She has moved on now, married again.  Though, the pain does not go completely but the wound begins to heal with time and with a proper support system.

I have to mention here that the only people in front of whom I feel like bowing my head, are the parent's in law of my sister, who took care of my sister like their own daughter - not just in words but in deeds.  I am indebted to them for my life.

Today, after 2 years I have relived this pain.  I have re-lived each and every moment. yesterday and today. It is prudent to remember that death can come any moment, any time, without warning, when you won't even have the time to goodbye to your loved one's , you won't have the opportunity to hug your loved one's one last time.  You won't have the chance to tell some one how much you love them, be it your parents, your spouse, your partner or anyone.

I had always believed in living the moment to the fullest.  Because it is this very moment which is mine.  And this incident reinforced that belief in me.  Unfortunately, for my sister and S, they were planning to live, they had postponed life to a better day , when....... (differs for every person)..... that made her really sad that they had not even begun to live, even after 10 years of marriage and one kid, they were planning to live and enjoy the things that they have, while both of them kept working hard.  Today, the fruits of hard work are there, but may be the desire to taste them is not there.

Dear reader, there are two things I want to say to you.  First, take care of your health, work comes next to a fit body, so please have proper diet, rest and do exercise before it gets too late.( Know about heart attack in young men from this post.  Indian men are quite prone to heart diseases, and everyone should know this.)   Also, don't ignore any symptom which can be an indication of illness.  Our body talks to us, we just have to listen to it.

And second, live..... Life is what you have right now in front of you.  There are no tomorrows.  One must plan for years to come, but in that zeal don't forget your present, for only this moment is yours.

Remember,

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." -
  --  Mahatma Gandhi

Work like you don't need the money;
dance like no one is watching;
sing like no one is listening;
love like you've never been hurt;
and live life every day as if it were your last.

-An Old Irish proverb

With love,

RESTLESS

"Pleez ajjust"- We are Like That Only!!

Sometimes seeing the way Delhi is getting better, although not uniformly everywhere,  I wonder have we, the citizens of Delhi learnt to live with this change?  when I see the advancement made in public transport system, shopping malls and entertainment etc and then I see the still missing civic sense in the people around me, I wonder, do we even deserve this modern infrastructure? 

Again, no generalization, but yes on a whole, I feel pathetic when the educated class also behaves like some runaways from prisons, like some unruly school kids, like the people who are still living under some other power's rule.  Somewhere the sense of responsibility is absolutely missing. 

(Dear reader, I make it a point that I intend not to point a finger towards others, so I don't say 'they' do it, it's 'we' who do it. (Remember the old saying, when you point one finger towards others, four fingers point towards you).  It is a collective consciousness or the lack of it that I am talking about.  So, please do not mind, if you fall in any of the categories of people mentioned below.  Apart from old Delhi residents, nobody really belongs to Delhi, everybody migrated for some reason or the other, and I am no exception. So I hope you will understand the context in which I am writing this.)

We clean our houses and throw the garbage nicely stuffed in a polythene bag in the back lane or on the side road.  We travel in cars and don't mind throwing empty wrappers of food outside the car.  Whose road is that? Whose city is that? We think, it is the job of the Government, and we begin to crib on why the Municipal Corporation of Delhi does not function properly and why the sweepers don't clean the road......... but we never understand that it is our city, and we too have some responsibility towards it..

During Common Wealth games when I visited Jawahar Lal Nehru stadium, while entering the premise, there were elaborate security check (glad for that!).  While I was standing in the queue with my family, two young boys very smartly came and stood ahead of me.  Due to their red T-shirt they looked similar to the  volunteer's uniform.  I checked up with them and found they were not volunteers.  Softly, I told them to go back to the end of the queue and that it was not expected from youngsters to behave like that.  Instead of being embarrassed, they smiled and in the haste to get inside the stadium gave me a brilliant piece of advise "please ajjust"!!

What I am to adjust with? People breaking queues, that too youngsters who will be the fathers one day and will teach the same to their children? How do I adjust to this?

Secondly, Inside the stadium, there were food stalls serving fast food. (Since, I had gone there with my kids straight from office, so was hungry and decided to have a bite.) It was pathetic to see that the huge dustbins properly lined were lying empty and the leftovers of burgers, wrappers, juice tins, tetra packs, loads of used tissue paper were strewn carelessly on the floor all over.  I was feeling nausiated to see the scene. 

 It was just so simple to dump the things in the proper place, but why should we even take that trouble? That is not our house! This is some public place and we public are supposed to be like that, isn't it?  So, all in all the interior part of the sparkling new building of the stadium was tarnished by tomato ketchup, slices of cucumber and onion,  spilled coffee and  cold drink. (Did we Delhites deserve this place?  I was thinking)

A similar thing happened during a social gathering where food was served through a buffet arrangement. Everybody - senior citizens, enthusiastic young men in their suits, women balancing their plates with clutch in hands, unruly kids - just everybody was trying to break the queue, get inside it as quickly and as smartly they could and pile up their plates with whatever is available.  (and the competition near the stall serving desserts - kulfi, jalebi, ice cream or rasmalai - oh too much!).  And you think I keep quiet there?! Nah, I never let a single guy go ahead of me, same for women, some soft corner for kids though, but not without giving a lesson in good manners!! And if someone persists the bad behaviour, a dirty look is enough then!!

Are we some hunger struck nation? I am talking about the educated urban people, where food is no issue, where at places, it is the problem of plenty.  Why can't we stop behaving like we have never seen good food? Why are we so worried about filling our plates and don't give a damn what is left for the next guy? 

Come to see our parking sense.  Delhi is overcrowded with cars now, just a few years back it was not so.  Now instead of showing some responsibility, we park our cars like a king (Sab chalta hai attitude). 

Recently, in my office parking space, I saw a senior guy parking his car just the wrong way, right in between two boxes meant for two cars.  I happened to park my car just at that time, and very politey brought this to his notice and told him that this will create a tough situation for other car owners, so a slight adjustment would help everyone. How he wished that he was deaf.... at least that is how he looked at that time... but ... no... he turned back... looked around and  pat came the reply from him.... the  gyan.... the jugaad that we are good at - "aapki car to aaram se lag gayi na?" (Meaning, Hope u have sufficient space for your car).  I clenched my teeth and muttered to myself in disgust "we are like that only, han?" (no, he didnot hear it of course! But then, while leaving the place I informed about this to the parking incharge there. Did he take any action?  I doubt)

Why are we like this ?? 

Till  when will be like this? Till when will go on using these words to justify our carelessness and lack of responsibility?  These words like - " I don't give a damn", "it's not my job", " I don't know", "why should only I care?",

Does somewhere our past is looming in our minds? Our forefathers were the people who migrated to Delhi for work or for other reasons, the poeple who left their worlds behind when they came to India after partition.  Some are well settled now, some are still struggling, but mostly living a  comfortable life now, after 2-3 generations having faced tough times.  Sorry to say that, but that mentality to collect whatever we could for our families still exists in us, when we want to collect more food in our plates, when want to encroach that every inch of road space to include it in our verandah, when we want to fool, cheat anyone to get the electricity meter budged, when we clean our house and don't give a damn to how badly we have littered the road, it shows and now it hurts.  Howsoever well-off or influencial you become, you need to tune your sensibilities with time.

Let's try not to pass these on to our next generation, let our children have a better place to live and feel proud about.

Let's get our act right, before our children ask us - "Are we like that only?"

RESTLESS

 PS: I have grown up disagreeing with this hindi phrase - "akela chana bhaad nahin phod sakta"  (meaning - a single person cannot make a difference). Of course, we can make a difference, one person can make a difference.

What Men Want?!

You know what, when I read about this Blogadda contest (received in my mailbox), my first reaction was that I giggled! These three words "What Men Want" made me smile ear to ear and my imagination wandered around for a while!!

Hmm, so I smiled merrily for a while and then closed my eyes and said to myself softly "I know baby.......what you want. : )  I know that...... I know how much you like those mean machines.... those gadgets... and video games, online racing games..... how much you care for your car....... how much you want your newspaper and how much you like your drink.... I know baby what you want (Hey, by the way, what did you think?!.......you naughty!)

"What men want", ask this question to that hottie, who was being driven by this smarty (boy of course!).  And our smart boy looks outside the window and says "Maaannnn, what a sexxxyyyy carrrrr!!!!!" "wow, what a building... awesome.... one day I want to own it" Huff, now think about the girl, who was just twirling her hair and checking out herself in the car mirror (well, placed for her only!) for that sweet glance of the boy!!!

Jokes apart, understanding what men want is far less complicated as to what women want. (Do I sound sexist again like  in this post?!!)


Okay, let me say this that it is not fair to generalize about any gender and since it's not a fun post, I would tread cautiously! No amount of research can circumvent all the types of people around us.  So, dear readers, don't get offended, as a woman tries to bring out the things which she thinks men, in general, would want.  You're free to add more points.

Also, when I talk about men, it's about your husband, your boy friend, your lover or your live-in partner. And a relationship means, marriage, a romantic relationship, live-in relationship.  I hear, there are lot more than that to it, but I guess, you don't any rules there, or need to understand each other there, do you?

So, here I go with my list of what I think men want or want not to deal with :

Just Let Me Be - I think, boys, men have their share of pressures from family, friends, work peers, girl friend(s), etc, and with so many expectations from them, ultimately, what they would want is to be themselves.  At the end of the day,  a man wants to be himself - no pretence, no formality, so sweet talk, he just wants to be himself.  At times, our professions don't allow us to express our feelings (like in marketing jobs and other public interaction jobs).  So, I feel this is want a man wants, especially when he is back home. So,  I want to be myself with my girl and with my family.

Be My Partner Not My Mother - Ah, girls, this might hurt you a bit, but I guess (no, I think, I am sure!) men don't want their girl to behave like his Ma! It's alright to care for your partner, but getting overtly concerned about him over his food, his clothes, his habits is not done. Be an equal partner and always remember, he is an adult and can take care of himself.

Wish she stops trying to change me (!!) - I think many of the women readers would agree (in their hearts of hearts) that we do try (i mean our level best!) to change our man.  We want to change their dressing style sometimes, or their mannerism (yawning in public - a big no no) or their habits, of say playing too much computer games, or smoking etc.  It's alright to caution your partner about the harm a habit can cause them, but being after their life is a sure shot way of losing or spoiling a relationship.  And if a guy really cares for you, you don't even have to say something in so many words, he will change himself for you.  But your suggestion has to be genuine and practical.

Wish she keeps shut when I drive ! - Men really don't like it when we guide them, (read exhibit our driving skills or worse our fears) while they are driving.  It really really irritates them.  Am sure, men want their female counterparts to keep their mouth shut, while they are driving.

Oh, something fell in my eyes - Whosoever said, big boys don't cry or "mard ko dard nahi", well, he was wrong (remember 'he'!!).  It is the familial and social conditioning that men, boys are made to believe that only girls shed tears.  Crying is like venting out your pain, frustration, anger and other negative emotions.  Sometimes, we must cry, as it cleanses us.  It makes us think clearly, as we let go of those pent-up emotions.  Crying can never be gender specific.  I wish, that men add this to thier wishlist to have a partner who can accept him, love him and respect him even when he cries.  It is a huge change I am talking about, but I think, we must begin to think this way.  It's human to cry.

Don't create fuss for that clutter- It's not really possible to demarcate traits like being organized and meticulous as per the gender.  But, as per my experience,  I have seen more women to be organized, be it home, kitchen, almirahs, office papers etc, than men.  So, it is understandable, that we create fuss when our partner refuses to be as organized as we are. So, I think men do wish that women stop telling them how to keep the bathroom clean etc and we should begin to clear the clutter and mess in the kitchen, when they leave it (ah, as if they ever enter the kitchen!)

I love you - "Oh I know it baby, but you gotta tell me again!" How many times this has happened to you that your girl wants to hear it again and again?!  Men in love and a relationship would like to say it once and for all (to be repeated... well.... at some intimate moment) but women definitely want to hear it again and again.... mushy thing ha! So, conclusion is that men wish that their girl decrease the appetite for this auditory pleasure!

After you ma'm (huh really?!!)  I guess, men are really not happy with this male chivalry thing now a days, which brings a smile on any girl's face (well mostly).  Personally, I would like it when a man shows some basic courtesies like offering a chair (not pulling a chair for me), keeping the door open (so that it does not slam on my face), cares to let me get off the lift first. That's enough and that shows what kind of educational and social background one belongs to (I talk about it in my etiquette's and body language classes).  But beyond that, it is not desirable in working environment for men to be caring for women, by showing such acts.  Men don't like to exhibit their chivalry for just any women, though to their girl, why not!

Don't be a clinger, girl - In a relationship (includes marriage) it's alright to find an emotional refuge in your partner, but being emotionally dependent on him, running back to him after any setback, expecting him to take care of your emotions all the time can really....weigh heavily on a relationship.  Men definitely admire women, who are able to handle their emotions well and balance themselves.  So, I think, men wish that their women would not an emotional clinger.

I love you but..... - Men, especially the younger lot (do men age.... at least I don't think so!), are really really crazy for their gadgets- latest phones, gaming consoles, music devices, cameras, and what not.  Not that girls are not, but girls had always been crazy about shopping and buying - only the products have changed. So men swoon over their gadgets. Even at the time of professing their love, they would say "I love you....but after my gadget"!(no pun intended). (psst....a friend of mine was seen clenching her teeth when her partner told her - "meet your saut - my BlackBerry!) ('Saut' - a hindi word, would loosely mean the man's other sweetheart)

Am bad in reading silence (or a sulk!) - Women, by nature, are more intuitive.  They can understand deeply, even when no word is uttered, they observe and sense.  So the dependence on words or clear communication is less.  Their sixth sense just tells, what is what (watch out boys!).  Men, mostly, want a clear word, a clear communication, without a hidden meaning to it, especially from his girl.  While, a girl would always want him to understand, even if she sits batting her eyelids. (But seriously, you guys must learn it, ha!).  So, the conclusion drawn is that men want their partners to speak clearly about their doubts, feelings, expectations and thoughts, before forming an opinion, before jumping to a conclusion, before assuming that they (the guys) have understood. It helps!

The three letter word - (Were you waiting for something juicy?!) Well, yes, the three letter word does excite them.  Although, the tastes gets refined, the urges get balanced out with better managed hormones, with age or with transitions in life, but it remains important for men.  Not that, I will shy away from saying that women too need their share in intimacy, but it does not generally influence them and their choices in life to a great extent (more on it later!)

I think, it was quite a list!! In fact, 19 Nov was International Men's Day, and I was tempted to write about men and their wants, which I could not do because of paucity of time, so I am happy I am able to pen down my views due to Blogadda contest. Love you Blogadda for giving out such interesting topics on write on!!

So dear reader, now let me know what do you think about it? I will be waiting to hear from you all!

Take care!

RESTLESS :)

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Euthansia - Having A Right On Your Life And Death

It were two consenting adults when I or for that matter any of us were born but it would be the consent of, makers of law of the land where I live, the religion I follow and the code and ethics of the society to which I belong (seemingly) that would decide my fate, if I today choose to embrace death.  I would be looking for the consent of all these people who comprise my world if today my body, a bubble floating over the thorny bushes, collapses.  If today I am left, due to a mishap, as a mere vegetating human body, I would need the permission from others to end my sufferings, and most probably I won't be allowed to do that.

What an irony! Neither I am here by my choice, nor can I  leave the world by my choice, in a respectful dignified way.  Killing oneself still happens to be a crime, as is mercy killing or euthansia. 

Euthansia - the word with works as the spine of the hindi movie "Guzarish" (meaning a request or appeal) - for a man paralyzed for life - requests the law to give him dignity in death and permit him to end his sufferings, as a man who can only think, speak or move his head, but cannot move an inch even to shoo a fly away from his face.

What is Euthanasia:

Euthanasia is a Greek word meaning 'good death' and refers to the practices of ending life in a painless manner. It is illegal in India and most countries of the world. Only ten odd countries have legalised the practice of mercy killing

Euthanasia conducted with the consent of the patient is termed voluntary euthanasia. Voluntary euthanasia is legal in Belgium, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, Switzerland, and the U.S. states of Oregon and Washington. When the patient brings about his or her own death with the assistance of a physician, the term assisted suicide is often used instead.

My opinion:

The movie brought out the plight of the one's who don't want to live any longer due to their deteriorated medical condition.  As a matter of fact, life is more a punishment for them than death.

But, the law of our country, India and most the countries of the world have illegalized such an act.

I fail to understand, why in a world where people are burned, cut into pieces, shot at, killed, brutally injured without any one's permission - no law or religion sanctifies such actions - why does the rules, the laws, the dictates apply only and only to the one's who want to abide them?

As if saying, let's control the controllable and let go the uncontrollable.  Why laws cannot change with time?  Why does the suffering of a human being mean nothing.... why he is forced to live.... To be an example of courage?.... Why do we have to preach a terminally ill person to fight it out and give life a chance? Who are we to tell a person that? 

A person with a body with which he cannot perform normal functions of life, but has a sound mind, should be heard and respected and not given sermons to be strong. See this to read a related news article, though old.

I am not encouraging suicide nor am I suggesting that we let people die at the drop of a hat, but don't take away the right to die - in the overzealous approach to Article 21 of Indian Constitution - Right to Life.

I, as a human being have the right to live and die with dignity.

What do you feel about it?

RESTLESS

image courtesy: http://new-right.blogspot.com/2010/06/euthanasia.html 

The Ordinariness Of Life - Snapshots





Searching for the meaning of life

A little bird, alone and so quiet

Two little claws trot on the cemented ground

Don't miss that gait and that little frown

ordinariness of life peeps through a flower

as it blooms uncelebrated, no love to shower

 

Through the hollowness of dusty old leaves

shines the crimson smile

Where is the pain? what are the peeves?

We are glad, as we are alive

The ordinariness of life is strewn all around, and it's beautiful.

RESTLESS

Don't Stress - Just Eustress!

I had to deliver a lecture to a group of officials, who were due to retire shortly, on "Coping With Stress".  (and hey! I came out with a wonderful and funny conclusion about family life, which i will share in my forthcoming posts!!)

But meanwhile, I got to share something very interesting and positive about stress, this word which we use so much now.

Stress - When you hear this word, what comes to your mind? Tiredness, fatigue, burnout, but actually if we did not have some stress, we  would not be doing anything.  By the way, its very interesting to know that Stress means a normal physical response to events that make us feel threatened or upset our balance in some way.  When we sense some danger - whether its real or its imagined (for some getting stuck in traffic is stress), our body's defenses kick into high gear. And that process of rapid automatic gearing up is known as "Fight-or-Flight" reaction. 

Our primitive instincts still work for us! Interestingly, the cave men, when encountered a danger, would either fight it off or run for their life, the same reaction is generated in our minds to this date.  A challenging situation puts us in this frame of mind.

In fact, its Eustress, the optimal amount of stress (differs from person to person) required to keep us focused, motivated and moving.  Sometimes, we wait for the deadline of a work and start working a few hours or a few days prior to it, and often during that working period, our attention span is longer and we can focus better and the aim is to do the job well.  That is eustress working in favour of ourselves. And I am not saying that we should delay our work and wait for the last moments to finish it!!

Anyways, we take stress as something bad, but the fact is that if this stressful situation goes on for a long time (again depends on the person how much can he take), this stress becomes Distress and affects both our mind and our body in a negative way.  Distress causes anxiety, decreases performance level,  and can lead to mental and physical problems.

So next time, you feel stressed (as a general term), ask yourself, is it Stress, Eustress or Distress ?

If the stress is too less, we rust out and don't perform, if its more, we burnout and cannot perform.  Its this optimal stress, just the right amount for you, which makes you perform.  Think about it and know what is the optimal stress for you.  Find the situation which blocks your mind and work upon it.  Find the situations which makes you more productive to use them in a purposeful way.

Let me share, I was to make a presentation, which I could not finish well before the lecture, and then on the last day, I sat for four hours, with absolute concentration and I could feel eustress working for me positively and constructively!!

So cheers to Eustress - use your stress !

Next time, don't be stressed, be eustressed!!

RESTLESS 

Image:positivepsychologynews.com